Don't Let Me Go

Chapter 17

Chapter 17

The day had finally arrived. I wasn’t sure if I was dreading it or really looking forward to it. It was a bit of both I guess. “Are you okay?” Peeta whispers, his voice shaking. “Yes” I say giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. I can’t help but notice the sadness in Peeta’s eyes today. I should have realised how much going back to where his home was, where his family died, might affect him. But I didn’t. Of course, I only thought about myself. How happy I would be to get back to 12. I don’t have time to discuss this with Peeta now though because I am being bombarded with hugs from those I love.

“Goodbye” I whisper into Prim’s ear, trying my hardest not to show my weakness, Prim has grown up so much, she looks firmly into my eyes “see you soon” she says and then turns away before she cries, she is like me, she will no longer show weakness.

“I love you” I say giving mum a reassuring pat after our long hug. “We’ll visit you” she says letting her tears spill, she is the opposite of me and Prim. And finally “Gale” I say breathing in his usual scent. “See you around” he says casually, I can see in his eyes how much he wants to be going back to 12. I tried to persuade him but he said it would be ‘too hard’ to go back. “Make sure you visit as well” I whisper to him. “I will” he promises. “We can go hunting like the old times” I let slip out. “You’re an amazing friend” I say finally pulling away and grabbing hold of Peeta’s arm as we board the hovercraft.

I have to shut my eyes tight and hide my face in Peeta’s lap for the duration of the hovercraft ride back to 12. It feels like I am going towards and arena and this frightens me more than anything. I imagine Peeta is feeling the same although just hiding it and being strong for me like always, he strokes my hair gently but I’m no fool, I can feel his hands shaking wildly.

“Peeta” I say without moving my position “yes” he says in a shaken voice. I don’t know what to do so I just say “come here” and I bravely lift my head up, shuddering. If he always faces his fears for me, I owe him, I should be doing it for him. “Come here” I repeat. But Peeta is so scared that he is frozen. I slowly place my hands onto his face “Peeta its okay, we’re going home. We’re not going into the games, we’re not going into the games, we’re not” I keep rapidly repeating, reassuring him. He locks eyes with me and I pull his head into my lap, shutting my eyes tightly I kiss his head and let him soak in the safety in which I always feel in his lap.

I feel silly but I start to make up a mindless story for Peeta, it is like I am his mother appose to his girlfriend but he stops shaking so much on my lap and listens tensely. “The green-yellowy meadow was their place, it had been for a long time, the girl would lie there, looking at him playfully” I said starting to sound ridiculous with my story and well starting to drift off and thinking of Rue, the girl in the meadows.

I still remember everything about her, Rue. Her gentle touch, soft and reassuring, and most beautiful soothing voice, she was so sweet and genuine, I can’t imagine what would have happened, why I didn’t save her? Oh why couldn’t I save her?

I am aware of the whimper creeping into my voice. Peeta daringly lifts his head to look at me, “you’re thinking about her, aren’t you?” Peeta asks, reading my exact thoughts and emotions. “Yes” I whisper knowing that if I think more about it, about the whole cruel situation, I will have an emotional breakdown, she was too young, too gentle to die. And I couldn’t save her.

Peeta squeezes my hand and I suddenly realise how distant I feel. Below me I can see the grounds of district 12, my home. Although it doesn’t feel like my home. The bombs have destroyed 12 more than I could have imagined, I know the people from 13 have tried hard to make it more presentable but it is nothing like it was before the fire bombs were set off. The closer to the ground we get the more I regret the decision of moving back.

“It’s changed a lot” Peeta says pressing his eyes shut, protecting himself from the emotions that he is feeling. “Peeta, I understand if you don’t want to be back at 12” I whisper to him, ashamed. “Katniss, I’ll do anything to make you happy” he replies. “But Peeta, doing this is making you unhappy, it was stupid of me, I am selfish” I cry. “No, come on, this is our home now” Peeta says tightening his grip around my arm and giving a brief peck on my forehead.

Peeta’s grip tightens rapidly as we walk down the hovercraft steps, every step an inch closer to touching the grounds, the grounds of our old home, our old lives, and we haven’t set foot on these ground since before the last games.

“Together?” Peeta whispers. “Together” I confirm. As we both take our first step onto the new grounds of 12.