Don't Let Me Go

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I wake up and it must be around midday because the sun is getting high in the sky. I go and see Finnick who is preparing the leftover food from last night.  “Good morning” I say smiling a little “Where are the others?” I ask “Well they’ve gone hunting but Peeta is still asleep” Finnick says and his face creases into a slight smile. “What?” I ask suspiciously “Let’s have some fun” and he gestures for me to follow him.

We walk up the beach towards Peeta and now I understand what we’re doing. I count “1, 2, 3” and then I whisper “Good morning Peeta” in a soft tone right by his face and he smiles in his sleep but when his eyes gently open his pupils dilate rapidly and a terrified scream escapes his mouth after seeing me and Finnick right by his face.

Finnick and I are rolling on the sand in hysteric laughter for about ten minutes before Peeta can even get a word in but Peeta is laughing too. “You scared me to death” Peeta smiles, suddenly that triggers the memory of when I thought I had lost Peeta in the last games when I heard the canon and I was so sure it was Peeta. “Sorry, I didn’t think it through” I say my face going into a frown but as Peeta smiles, my face folds back into a smirk. “We have to have some type of fun in this hell” Finnick reminds us.

Later on, Johanna and Beetee return with the news of Wirless’s loss. I give a little private prayer for her alongside Mags and then I go join everyone to hear the story and eat some left over rolls as lunch.

While we all walk around trying to find game to hunt I hardly notice the force fields surrounding us. “Peeta!” I scream but it is too late he has already hit it. Peeta’s body flies backwards with such force and his body gives one last shudder as it hits the ground. “Peeta” I repeat but my tone of voice is pain and terror. I can’t have lost him; I won’t accept that.

When my brain comes to realisation I trip to where Peeta’s body lies and start howling once I hear only silence where just a minute ago his heart was beating. “Peeta” I cry while shaking him. I don’t think you’re supposed to shake injured people but I have no clue what else to do right now and I am in a strange state of panic.

“Katniss trust me” Finnick says trying to push me out of the way of Peeta. But I can hardly hear him above my sobs. “No” I scream but Johanna is shoving me backwards by my hair. I start screaming for Peeta and crying wildly. I stop in mid howl when I see Peeta’s chest rise and fall. Wait what the heck is that? Finnick is kissing Peeta? I suddenly remember my mother doing this to many of her patients, yes this is CPR.

I hold pause of my crying and screaming and focus on Peeta again, it is proving unsuccessful and just as I am thinking of stabbing myself with the knife to end my life I hear a faint cough and the cough belongs to Peeta.

“Peeta?” I basically scream and I ram right into the perfect hold of his arms. “Peeta I thought I’d lost you” I say and I am crying so uncontrollably now with worry and happiness that my mouth keeps letting out strange hiccups. “Katniss, its okay” Peeta reassures me because I just can’t stop crying and I refuse to let go of his hold. A huge amount of my snot has ended up on Peeta’s t-shit and it is damp from all my tears. “Sorry” I say my voice still full of hoarse. “Katniss, you don’t need to be sorry” Peeta says calmly although I know he has been crying too from his lack of control in his voice and puffy sore eyes.

When I finally gain enough courage to leave Peeta’s safe and sturdy arms I look around to see Johanna scowling thinking that I am pathetic, Finnick looking shocked, and Beetee with tears in his eyes. “Let’s go” Johanna says quickly, rolling her eyes. I get up and then I slowly help Peeta to his feet. “I got you, just lean on me” I say to Peeta as we start to slowly walk back to camp. Most of Peeta’s weight is now on me and I feel like I might collapse because of all this walking today and I haven’t eaten or slept properly in the arena. “I can take him for a while?” Finnick offers. Finnick’s eyes are too kind for me to suspect anything.

“Thanks for bringing back Peeta” I whisper to Finnick “It really means the whole entire world to me” Finnick nods and mumbles “You’re welcome” before he takes the weight of Peeta’s body from me.

I start to worry because Peeta hasn’t said a lot to me since his incident with the force field. I can’t blame him because he died for a few minutes but really I think I should be there for him more. Thinking back to it I remember Peeta’s words when he came back “Katniss, its okay” I realise that even though he was the one that just died and really he must have been in utter shock, he was still there for me trying to calm me down and make me feel okay when it should have been the other way around.

After dinner I take a refreshing bath in the water, despite the salt. I just needed to clean my clothes and really just need to clear my head. After lying in the same spot hardly moving for about ten minutes I hear footsteps of someone coming to accompany me.

“Peeta” I smile while he walks into the water next to me although he can’t even swim. “You alright?” he asks looking into my eyes “Yes” I sigh looking up into the dark sky. “Are you though?” I question. “Of course” He replies “What do you mean of course?” I say “Well I got you with me” he says taking me in for a tight hug.

“Peeta I feel like I should have been there for you earlier after you...” my voice trails off. “After I died?” Peeta finishes off for me. “Yes after you died” I admit. “Don’t be inane Katniss, you were there for me” “but not how I should have been” “Yes but you were shocked and I don’t blame you” Peeta says placing a soft kiss on the tip of my lips. “You were the one reassuring me though, it should have been the other way. I don’t know I was just so upset and couldn’t think straight…” I stop; wishing that I could block out the whole of Panem from hearing our private conversations.

“All I knew was that you’re the most important person in my life and you always have been, I wouldn’t be here now if you hadn’t of woken up” I say. He looks down and I know it’s because he knows that his plan with the locket has failed, I am still doing this to try get him to be the victor and he knows now that nothing he does or says can ever change this. “Katniss” he starts but then stops as I go into kiss him not wanting to know what is coming next.

We stand up to our hips in the water, Peeta’s body wrapped around mine. He kisses me gently and meaningfully as I hold him tighter and tighter into my clasp. We’re moving deeper and deeper into the water but it dosen’t bother us, we take advantage of this special moment.

Peeta’s steady hands are rubbing up and down my back as I continue to make out with him. The butterflies rise through my stomach and make me smile. I know he feels my smile because he smiles back. Smiling while kissing is the most perfect feeling ever.

Nothing seems to matter anymore, I forget that I am in an arena, probably dead this time tomorrow. I forget that this is probably being played to the whole of Panem and I forget about Finnick and the others watching probably beyond retching point from the beach. I am just fixed in the moment and cherishing it close to my heart.