Don't Let Me Go

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

“Katniss” a firm arm shakes me and I awake screaming “Katniss it is just me” mother says her facial expression looking terrified.  “We have to go down to breakfast” she whispers. “Okay” I say getting up from my stiff position which I must have fallen asleep in.

The breakfast is a sad excuse for breakfast; I can hardly call it that. So much for trying to fatten me up… You’re only allowed a certain amount and that means you can’t have seconds and if you take any food off someone else there will be ‘consequences’.

“Shh” Gale says pressing one finger to his lips and in the other hand pressing some of his bread into mine under the table. “Thanks” I say quietly. “Here have some of mine too” Peeta whispers into my ear and hands it over noticeably. “Stop you will both get into so much trouble” I say. “Yes but look how skinny you are, you need as much food as possible” Gale whinges. I roll my eyes at him.

“How long do we have to be in this prison for?” I say. “It’s not a prison” Gale argues “well it basically is, look around you darling” I say but I realise how much I sound like Haymitch, what’s got into me? Peeta tenses when I call Gale darling, I wish Peeta would stop being ridiculous, he knows I love him, he is my boy with the bread. And especially after last night, why can’t Peeta just let me talk to my best friend without it being awkward?

“They’ve done us a huge favour Katniss, we would have died if they hadn’t of evacuated us from 12” Gale says defensively. “Yes but I wish they wouldn’t be so strict” I say “They are just making sure there is enough food for everyone’s stomachs, don’t be so greedy Katniss” Gale says and then he realises how harsh it sounds and tries to put a laugh at the end of it.

 “Yes but they won’t even allow a boy and a girl to sleep in the same room unless they are related, it is unreasonable” I argue and then shove my hand to my mouth without realising because the sudden smile has been wiped off Gale’s face as he knows this is aimed at Peeta and I, “I should be going” Gale says running off in seconds. But I cannot dismiss the sound of despondency in his voice and I can’t stand it.

Peeta looks down at the floor and I am left feeling like a despicable, horrible human being alone. I never meant to say that, it came out like I was purposely trying to hurt him, but I wasn’t, I really wasn’t. I hate that Gale won’t let me in, he won’t let us share the old friendship that we used to hold to dear, and the games ruined everything.

For a moment I try and imagine Gale’s name being called out on that hot reaping day, him going off into the games and being all loved up with this girl who he has only just met and me at home in his position having to watch and cope with that, but now I have to remind myself; you don’t love Gale, you love Peeta. Why does everything have to be so complicated for god sake, I am so fed up. No matter what I do I am hurting somebody.

“I should go too” I say evacuating the table ready to break down in tears. I know boy trouble should be the least of my issues right now and yet it seems to be the thing bothering me most.

I sit alone on my bed all afternoon, wanting to be unaccompanied yet at the same time wishing Peeta would come and make me feel better. He is probably hurt with my reaction to hurting Gale, why do I have to hurt everyone. I have hurt so many people with my actions over the past year or so and I can’t cope, ever since I picked up those berries. I should have just swallowed them right then, right there. Peeta deserved to come home, not me, anyone in theeir right mind knows that.