Don't Let Me Go

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

“Peeta” I say helplessly for the third time. “Peeta why won’t you let me in?” I say getting upset. “I really need to talk to you” but still no answer “okay then, if that’s where I stand, at least I know now” I say near tears stalking off. “Haymitch!” I say as he is walking through the corridor. “Please can I have your room key?” I ask politely “Why? Just knock and Peeta will let you in” “No he is ignoring me Haymitch, I’m really worried about him” I say. “Peeta ignoring you? I wouldn’t believe that for a second” Haymitch says “Haymitch please just hand them over” I plead. “Fine, but just give those straight back” Haymitch huffs “thanks” I say giving him a brief hug and running off back down the corridor.

Butterflies rise dramatically through my stomach as I twist the key, I see a little Peeta sitting on the bed with his face hidden in his hands. “Peeta” I whisper shoving my arms around his waist and never wanting to let him go. “Peeta I am here for you” I gently say not moving a budge. Peeta won’t let me in though, he seems to be zoned out and when I try move his hands away from his face he firmly places them back. “Peeta” I say hoarsely a tear rolling down my face “What is wrong?” but still no reply.

I decide to stay quiet and just hug him close for a little while because nothing I say will make Peeta’s hurt any easier for him so I might as well give him some time to recover.

After a while Peeta finally says “sorry” and removes his hands from his face revealing his red, tear stained face. “Oh Peeta” I say reaching my hand out onto his face. “Don’t go” Peeta says “I’m not going anywhere” I say “I will always be right here.”

“I am deeply sorry if I have done anything to upset you, but may I ask whatever is wrong?” I say “Well” Peeta starts but doesn’t seem to be able to finish. He stares tensely at the floor, not being able to meet my gaze. “If it is to do with Gale and me, please Peeta you don’t really think I have feelings for him after everything me and you have been through? Do you? Peeta you’re the one I love, I don’t know how many times I have to say this but even if I have to remind you every day for the rest of our lives I will, you know why? Because I love you.”

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you, since that moment with the bread Peeta, I knew you were someone special, I really did and you’ve honestly saved me a hundred times over” I’ve finally said it, everything that’s been building up inside me for as long as I can remember, and now Peeta knows how I really feel about him, it is not part of the games anymore, it hasn’t been for a long time, but now Peeta knows.

Peeta’s blank expression says it all, suddenly I feel hurt and regret being open with him, I’ve always feared being open about my feelings and now I know why, I’m broken, just done. I get up to leave because the hysteria is building up inside me and I want to let go and just scream and cry but then Peeta grabs me. “Get off me” I say, not being able to hold on anymore, I fall to the floor and start crying at Peeta’s feet, curled up in a ball on his floor.

 “Katniss” he says gently and I can hear the strain in his voice, he is hurting too. I weep loudly over his voice but I make out “you know everything I ever said was true, you’ve known that I have always loved you, why are you upset?” I manage to heave myself up out of my ball and collapse on top of Peeta holding him close, I don’t know why I’m crying but I can’t seem to stop.

We manage to calm each other down like we always do. I am exhausted from my break down earlier and I am sure Peeta is too so we just lie on Peeta’s bed, bodies wrapped around each other, cuddled close and just when I am drifting off to sleep, Peeta whispers out into the darkness “I miss them.”

I don’t have to think twice before I know who he is talking about, “I know Peeta, I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you, but remember your family, they are up there and they are proud of you” I say to reassure him although I can’t quite figure it out, his brothers never volunteered for him and despite there being a certain extend where brotherhood goes I mean that shows not caring, and his mother beat him sometimes, she seemed horrible… and yet she brought the most caring soul into this world. And Peeta’s dad, he was the only one I actually met. He was kind and still to this day I remember when he said goodbye to me, that hot reaping day, all hope gone… he gave me a cookie. He said he would check on Prim, and not let her go hungry, I will be forever grateful for his kindness.

I hug Peeta tightly and tell him how much I love him and I understand “It hurt an unbearable amount losing my dad, I still think about him every day and that is just one family member, I can’t imagine loosing Prim and mother too, I just can’t. You are so brave Peeta, I admire your strength” Peeta hugs me tighter, he is so hurt he can’t speak. “Time heals everything” I whisper into Peeta’s ear before falling asleep.

I hear the birds singing, and see a brief bit of light peeking through the curtains. It’s too early now to sneak back to my room, there will be loads of guards roaming the corridors at this time in the morning, I will get caught, and somehow I just don’t think I will get away with it again. I don’t want to wake Peeta up from his deep sleep so instead I sneak to the bathroom to wash my face and freshen up.

I jump out of Peeta’s baggy t shirt in which I slept in and I get into the clothes I wore yesterday, I brush my hair to my best ability using my fingers and put it up in the usual side-braid. I wash my face repeatedly with water and then walk back into Peeta’s room.

I know that breakfast can’t be far off, yet I still don’t have the heart to wake Peeta. I suddenly have a flash back, Peeta is asleep on the beach, the morning sun burning, Finnick comes over to me smiling “want to do something fun?” I can almost hear Finnick’s voice, it feels so real. “Peeta” I whispered into his ear softy and then followed by the hysteric laugher. I realise I haven’t talked to Finnick lately, I miss him.

“Peeta” I whisper into his ear now “Katniss” he whispers back, I can’t figure out if he is still in a dream or if he is awake, his eyes stay firmly shut. “Peeta” I whisper again. He is either ignoring me or he is still in a dream. “Right that is it” I say starting to smirk. “Peetaaaaa” I screech into his ear making him jump, I start to laugh a little but it reminds me too much of the time in the games. Peeta is smiling shyly “well that has woken me up for good” Peeta says goofily. “Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you but there is a big problem so…” I say still smiling. “What is the problem?” Peeta giggles. “Oh just that I can’t get out your room because there is too many guards around this time in the morning, breakfast is in half an hour” I explain. “Well that’s just too bad, I have to keep you longer” Peeta says sarcastically, pulling me onto his lap.

“We are going to have to sneak down to breakfast else we will get executed, this is not a joking matter” I say in an Effie voice. “Oh Katniss, guards can’t kill us or lock us up, calm down” he says rocking my back and forth. I smirk at Peeta and then he brings up the question “I wonder what happened to Effie in the end” we both say a little prayer because after everything, we figured Effie was a lovely person, she really did have a heart of gold.

“C’mon lets somehow get to breakfast” I whisper to Peeta doing a pretend spy impression and making us both laugh hysterically.