Don't Let Me Go

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

I wake up in the state of a panic, sweat beads invade my forehead and I can’t snap back into reality. I cover my mouth hard and bite into my hand to stop myself screaming. A tear flows down my face “Peeta” I say getting up and now knowing I need him, I can’t handle long scary nights alone.

I open the door slightly and peek inside before walking in. I decide I should just walk in after knocking twice and not getting any response. Peeta would understand. He is a darling after all. I look around the room, decorated with rich pearly white satin. The room gives an atmosphere that could make people feel like they are in heaven.

Peeta is asleep, his breathing so soft and rhythmic. He looks so peaceful, peace that I will never have. I climb into the soft bed and slide inside the covers snuggling close to the blonde haired boy I have known for so long.

Peeta wakes up as he feels my soft skinned hand brush against his own. He opens his eyes slowly.

I lay in front of him facing towards him with my eyes shut tight and beads of sweat lingering on my forehead still. "What happened Katniss?" Peeta asks softly, palming my face in his left hand. "A bad dream." I say, my eyes still shut shut. "Again?" he asks before continuing. "Come over here."

Peeta pulls me into an embrace and touches my hands a few times. "We're safe now you know." Peeta says. "I know... but..." I mouth into his chest.

Peeta takes my hand and wraps it in his own. Our fingers crossed in union filling up the spaces as if it were where they belong. Peeta leans forward and peaks me lightly on the forehead. "Well you're with me now, there's nothing to be afraid of. Open your eyes."

I open my eyes to find Peeta staring into mine with a love I know I can depend on. His arms are my cradle of safety and the only place where I can find some peace.

***

The bright rays of sun peeking through Peeta’s curtains snaps me into reality. “Peeta” I say shaking him fiercely because if anyone caught us like this we would be in serious trouble. “Good morning” Peeta says smiling at me “Peeta we’re going to get killed if anyone finds us together” I say in all seriousness but a laugh escapes my mouth. “Quickly go!” Peeta mocks. I jump out of bed suddenly realising I have no clothes on. Peeta looks at me and smiles but I glare at him so he says “Okay I am covering my eyes” and he puts his hands over his face but it is obvious he is still looking through the gap in his fingers.

I shove my sweatpants and baggy t-shirt on and make my way back to my room. “See you later” I say as I make a runner. “Where have you been Miss Everdeen” a voice suddenly booms as me as I turn the sharp corner. “Damn” I say under my breath, I have been caught red handed.

“Toilet” I stupidly reply “there is a toilet in your room Miss Everdeen” The guard says looking smug. “Yes well I fancied a walk because I couldn’t sleep” I say back smirking. “I will let you off this time Miss Everdeen” he says pointing at the bracelet on my wrist which shows I am ‘mentally unstable’.  “Stupid guards, what is with the Miss Everdeen in every reply” I tut under my breath quickly turning into my room. I realise now it will not be easy for me and Peeta to see each other at night, but we’ll figure something out.

I feel my mother’s eyes watching me as I enter the room and smash up the clock which is ticking, making me feel dizzy. I lie in bed and hide under my covers but I feel too sweaty and sick. It may only be 6am but I am getting up I can’t bare this tossing and turning.

I splash freezing cold water onto my face repeatedly until I get brain freeze and then rub my face into the softness of the towel. I feel like a zombie today despite the butterflies and happiness I felt briefly last night while in Peeta’s company.

I sit on my bed feeling fresh but still awful, staring around the darkness half hoping someone will bring me out of my misery and just put an end to this fight, hating myself for not being strong enough to do it all myself. I start to shiver but nothing matters anymore, it still feels like I am in the games and I kind of wish I was. Why didn’t I just die right there instead of being lifted out? I was close enough to it.