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Chapter 34

~Millicent~

I wake up immediately when I feel that sharp pain running through my abdomen all the way around my lower back. My eyes are wide and I was sweating to death. I let a few tears down my face as I look up to the ceiling and pray that nothing is happening. I look down and everything I hoped for in those past 2 seconds shattered. Bright red blood soaked the sheets through my pajama pants. Oh no. No no no.

I cry louder. "Donovan, wake up."

His eyes flutter open immediately with a faint smile until he seems me sobbing. He sits up quickly, reaching over to grab my shoulder soothingly.

"Milly, what's wrong?" he whispered, trying to calm me down.

I shakily pull back the comforter from over my legs and with one look, he's already helping me to my feet, muttering 'Oh god. Please don't.' over and over again.

Within 5 minutes, we have our shoes on and he's rushing us to the emergency room down the road. I'm still crying my eyes out, mostly because this pain is all I can really feel right now.

A nurse sees us and immediately grabs me a wheelchair. I look at the blood one more time, feel the intense pain again, think of the worst, and pass out.

I wake up later, an ultrasound done in my sleep while my boyfriend does nothing but hyperventilate and cry.

"Miscarriage."

That was all the doctor had to say to make me go completely numb. At some point, I think Donovan had gotten on the hospital bed and started holding me tightly. This wasn't happening.

~1 year later~

"She's just been so distant. It's killing me too. That was our child. We never got him. But now it still seems like she doesn't love me at all," he confessed. He's never said this to me.

The therapist crossed her legs for the fifth time in the past 20 minutes. "Uh-huh, and that's why you believe that Millicent and you haven't gotten married yet?"

"Exactly that."

I rolled my eyes, careful to keep it to myself. He's never spoken to me about this. He's always saying things that he never would repeat at home. How could he expect answers to questions that he never asks?

"And Millicent?" she asks, forcing me to look up at her tight face. "What do you have to say to that?"

I gave her the same bullshit response that I always give her: tears.

~6 months later~

"I can't do this anymore!"

I'm still staring at my hands, going numb again for the 2nd time in my life.

"And you can't even look at me! How am I supposed to stay and feel loved when you are cold and dead to me!?"

I keep my mouth shut, knowing that if I opened it, I'd beg him to stay. He wouldn't be happier and neither would I.

"You know what? Fine! I've been with Sarah anyways!"

That's when I looked at his ocean blue eyes. "You're cheating on me?"

"How the fuck else am I supposed to get the attention I need, Millicent?!"

He stopped calling me Milly a long time ago.

"I miss my girlfriend! I miss whoever was in there before all of that happened!"

"All of what? The miscarriage I had? The miscarriage that happened in my body and not yours? Our child didn't make it into our lives and you expect me to be okay with that?"