Distance Between Us | j.d.b ✔️ (BOOK I X II) THE FANFIC

Chapter 39

You see, love is complicated and so am I.
We don't mix well at all.
I was never capable of loving such a Queen because all I did was play a game of cards.
She was my toy and at one point, I believe she was fine with that.
That's before she realized her worth.
She was worth so much more than I could possibly offer her, yet she wanted nothing more than to be with me.
I was going to marry that girl.
I still am, whether I'm with someone in the future or not, vice versa.
The last time I said that to her, there was no spark in her eye like there usually was when I stated that.
I lost her and I knew it.
It's cliché, but if you love something or someone let it or them go.
I let her go physically, but mentally I never did.
She disregarded me from her life completely.
I was nonexistent to her.
I assumed she didn't love me anymore and I was right.
God, you could see it in her loving eyes.
My heart ached, but I couldn't let her know that.
So, I moved on.
Each girl after her has only played with me and punctured my heart, the same way I did her's.
I now knew what it felt like or at least I had an idea.
I'm so sorry, Leigh-Ann.
I never meant for there to be any distance between us even when we were in each other's arms.
I simply didn't know how to love you and I'm so sorry for stripping you of who you once aspired to be.
I'm hoping someone makes you happy one day, happier than I could've ever made you.
You have such a beautiful soul and anyone should be honored to cherish it.

Justin Bieber

    I wasn't sure if she'd ever get that letter, even after I went into her apartment building and told the man at the front desk that it was for her. Regardless, I told her and I apologized. At this point, that's all I could do. I could've asked for her number and put it in her hand myself but that was definitely out of line and I wasn't ready to see her again after our conversation at her "poetry slam".

  I finally went to visit Santiago. She was happy to see me and I was eager to see her as well. Swan apparently missed me too. He wouldn't leave me alone when I first walked into the house, a box of chocolate and a bouquet of white roses in my hand. My usual kick of my foot and the door shutting was in place and Santiago ran into my arms after I locked the door. She hugged me tightly before punching my chest, a low groan emerging from me. She was heated that I hadn't visited her for a long while, even after her attempt to come to mine, but she was fine after she saw what I had. I was glad we were on good terms.

My mother and I were closer. I'm sure I still got on her nerves because she definitely got on mine, but everything between us was a lot better than before and it made me realize how much I had missed her.

Khalil, Jaden, and I drifted apart. We still talked for the most part, but open invites to my house were no longer in place which caused us to stop seeing each other. They were fine, they had other people to hang with.

I got two dogs to keep me company since Swan was only mine when I was there. One boy, his name is Todd and he's the fluffiest little thing and the other's name was Ester and my, she was gorgeous. I knew I'd become fond of her quicker than I would Todd and the feeling was mutual between the two.

I went out clubbing more, just to get Ann off my mental. I couldn't stop talking to her, she was always my mental and I hated it. Drowning myself in substances and inhaling toxins was blissful though; it always has been. I had tried more drugs than I could count on my own to hands. I knew what I liked and what I didn't like. It didn't matter what I liked though. I didn't want to be that person.

I wasn't that person.

After the clubbing I needed someone new to talk to. I needed to confess my sins or whatever you'd like to call them so I got a therapist. A priest was out of the question. My therapist--she was cool, I guess. I knew she wouldn't judge me because she didn't know me.

My life was changing drastically and I didn't know whether or not I was glad or devastated because I didn't have enough time to hold onto distant memories. I didn't even have time to dwell on the situation at hand, life kept moving and it waited for no one.