Out of Touch

Trusting

Everyone is afraid of something. The human psyche is set up to be logically scared of things like the dark. The unknown is terrifying. 

As much as I hate people, I hate being alone. I can't trust anyone, I'm scared to trust people, especially after what happened to me when I was younger. Fear drives us. It drives me to continuously make friends but also drives me to leave them.

I'm sitting in class with Matthew. It's been two days since we met. He and I luckily have Calculus together fourth block. I like this kid, he's very non judgemental. Andy is in AP Calculus, so he's only across the hall. My phone buzzes in my lap.

I kind of regret giving Andy my number.

I choose not to say this outloud.

"Andy wants to know if we're having a good time. Are we, Matthew?" I whisper.

"Just call me Matt. And I am not sure."

We both blankly stare up at the teacher who is talking nonstop. She runs around like a chicken with her head cut off. It's a bizarre display but it's potentially interesting. 

"I think we're having a good time." I say, swipe texting my response in my lap.

"I hate today." Matt sighs. "I have to work, yet again."

"Your job is lame." I try.

"I'm a manager at a grocery store. I'm just a glorified babysitter. Of course it's lame."

I smirk to myself.

Matt's phone buzzes too. 

"Andy?" I ask.

He nods, reading through the message slowly. 

"He wants to know if we can take you out tomorrow. The bastard knows I have off. Well, are you available?"

"I don't drive." I stare at the teacher. She's fluttering to hand out papers. This woman must drink a lot of coffee to be this jittery.

"It's fine, I do. How about we drop my siblings off at home and then we go out somewhere. Andy seems to be particularly interested in you."

"Oh really? I'm interested in you guys. Weirdest fucks I've ever met."

I clench my hand into a fist. Me and my stupid mouth.

And this, is why I don't have friends.

"You're not so normal yourself." Matt responds, unphased by my stupid comment.

"I try my hardest."

Why am I saying this kind of stuff to this kid? I never tell anyone how much I try to not fit in. Am I trusting someone?

"So are you free?"

"Let me check my social calendar. That's right I'm free from now until the end of eternity because I don't have friends."

"You can't say that anymore."

I look up at Matt. He's deep brown eyes are staring into mine. He's serious. He's really serious. I feel my cheeks start to heat up. What the hell is wrong with me? I look away, quickly back down to my lap.

"You don't have to worry about money, either. Andrew has reached the ten thousand dollar mark on his composing work, he also works under me, and I make about ten cents above minimum wage. We've got you covered."

"I feel bad because I don't have job." I sigh.

"Apply at where I work. We're always hiring."

"Maybe."