Out of Touch

Movement Two: Prestissimo

 Ah oui, parlons-en de la terre
Pour qui elle se prend, la terre?
Ma parol' 'y a qu'elle sur terre
Y'a qu'elle pour faire tant de mystères  

Suddenly my music stops. I sit up from where I was laying on the seat. My phone's dead! I don't know where we are really, how long it's going to take to get home. Can I make it without my French music? I take out my headphones. The car is quiet too. Why isn't Matt at least playing his shitty country music? 

"Okay, Matt, so you've premeditated this entire plan, but why with such a serial killer method? It's insane." Alina leans against the door.

"If I am going to do it once, why stop there? The more bodies the better." Matt laughs a bit.

We used to have conversations about premeditated murder. What happened to those days?

I need something to distract me. I can't stand this. We're going to crash or something. I'm going to end up dead. My life will have been meaningless, all my future plans and works will be forever lost. 

"Fuck. Dammit." Matt smacks his steering wheel. "It looks like we're stuck."

"Are you kidding me?" I ask quietly.

Alina and Matt look up at me in the rearview mirror. 

"Andy, are you okay?" Alina turns around, looking at me.

I shake my head no. I am not okay. This isn't okay. Bridges are the worst. They're stupid...unstable...structures. I don't like this. I can't stand it.

"What's wrong, Andy?" Alina asks again.

I shake my head again. I can't speak. Damn it. I need something. I hide myself in my hands, closing my eyes. This isn't okay. Why right now? Fuck, why today? Why did I agree to this? Why did I plan this if I knew this shit involved transportation? I hate it. I fucking hate it. I'm going to fucking die.

"We need to get off of this as soon as possible so take the first opportunity you can." Alina says to Matt. 

I fucking hate this. Why did I agree? I wanted to enjoy today with no hitches. I thought my fear was under control since I had my music. Fuck that. My only stability is gone. Shit. I'm going to die. Everything I've tried to do until now, wasted.

"Andy, listen to me, okay? You're all right. I'm right here. Matt is here. It's going to be fine." 

Fine?!!! This isn't fine! Fine is being on solid ground! Not in this death trap with one of the scariest drivers I know. He was fast. That was dangerous! I needed out. That's it. I needed to get the fuck out of here.

"Window of opportunity. I'm taking it. Hold on." Matt drove quickly. He did a lot of crazy turns. 

I felt myself losing the ability to breathe. My hands tighten around my arms. I can't do this. This is the end of Michael Andrews. I keep my eyes closed. This is unbearable. I fearfully look upon the face of death. I'm going to fucking die.

Light. There's light. I open my eyes. The door is open. I head for it, getting out of the car as soon as possible. I head out into the grass a bit, sprawling out onto the ground. My head stops spinning. I am panting heavily. But I'm okay. I have the ground underneath me now.

I can hear the car door shut. I look to see Alina coming over to me. Shit. One of my secret fears and she's here the first time it causes me to panic this badly. I can tell that Matt's probably a little pissed. I kept my secrets. 

"Hey there, sunshine." Alina sits down beside me.

I've never really done this. I've never panicked with witnesses to the event. She holds my hand, putting her fingers in between mine.

"What's wrong?" She asks calmly.

"I am terrified of being in cars."

"Why is that?" 

"Some bad things happened in a car. Now any kind of transportation sends my stomach in a twirl." I mutter.

She's looking at my hand. She can probably see the scar that covers part of the back of it.

"That's unrelated." I sigh.

Matt sits down next to me. I flinch. When Matt is mad, it's terrifying. I don't want whatever wrath he has stored up inside turned on me.

"I'm sorry, buddy." I look over at Matt, not directly meeting his eyes. 

"It's fine." Matt brushes it off. 

Alina squeezes my hand. "You're completely okay, Andy."

I nod. I look over at Matt. Fuck it, I'm going to do it anyway. I let go of Alina's hand. I tackle Matt with a hug. I know I really shouldn't. But I do it anyway.

He's a warm soul, even if he acts cold. I grab Alina's arm, pulling her into this hug pile. She awkwardly accepts. Matt doesn't like this but for some reason he lets it go. I kind of don't want to move from this spot. My friends are here. I'm here. I'm with them. I had fun. I'm okay. 

I never thought I would need to rely on anyone else. I thought I could get by relying on as little people as possible. But...I like this. I feel like I'm needed, I feel okay. I can now believe that I am okay.