Out of Touch

Movement Fourteen: Finale with no Encore

I watched as Ben moved all the stuff out of the big tuba locker. He was graduating now, leaving us for good. He looked at the three bins on the floor filled with all sorts of miscellaneous knick-knacks. Light saber, a box of mountain do, a cheese poster, memes printed out, and music. He stacked them up by the door. Finally, I'd get the big locker. He then moved over to my locker. He was going to move my name tag. Finally, he was acknowledging my talent. He moved away. I saw Alex's name tag on the door. I felt deflated. No, Ben still hated my guts. 

I think more people hated my guts. I stared at the orchestra room door. It was the last day of my junior year. I was going to become a senior. I still had no idea what to do. Mr. Denize had discouraged me from a music career and the only other thing I wanted to do was accounting but everyone was going into accounting nowadays. All I knew was that I vaguely wanted to go to college. 

The bell rang for second period. I ran out of the room, searching for her blue hair in the crowd. I caught up to her, grabbing her arm to get her attention.

"Hi Alaina," I breathed.

"Oh, hi," she stared blankly at me.

"Do you want to help me this summer? Help me write my story? I'm thinking about putting it on that site you write on. I want to use this story to reveal the truth of everything, from my perspective. And it needs to be put out there for you and for Matt."

She smiled softly. I feel like my presence still hurt her. I wanted to shrink away, to die in some hole. I noticed her gaze shifted to a tall boy with curly hair, the new kid at work. Vince? Vinny? I couldn't remember. Her face blushed a little, something I had learned to tell. She...she must like him. She was moving on already.

"Yeah, I'll help," she focused back on me. "But you have to talk to me first. You promised we'd be friends and your kind of being an ass."

"I'm sorry," I sighed. I felt a hole in my heart. I really did appreciate her. What was I doing?

I walked her to her second block before waving goodbye. I was. I was the biggest asshole on the planet. The half day went by in a blur. Honestly, what even was the point of the last day of school when nothing was accomplished? Alaina asked to hang out with me for the rest of the day until she had to go to work at four. I agreed. Maybe she didn't hate me after all. 

I found her in the lobby, talking to that boy and his black haired friend, the new porch monkey. It was a shame that that's what he chose to do, considering his sister Hannah was one of the most versatile workers at our store. I waited for her as she hugged both of them. My heart sunk a little further. What a shame. I mean, good for her, but I felt like maybe I'd be forgotten. 

Though I guess it seems like I had forgotten her.

Alaina and I spent the day plotting out a story and playing a game of the sims with me, her, and Matt all in one house. I made a joke about me hitting on a guy only to have him hit on her. I felt she was kind of hurt by that.

All in all, my life was very different after my junior year. My soul had been bared to one person alone. She knew all of my secrets. She was vital to me, now more than ever. Thinking back, I never considered she'd become this valuable person in my life. 

"I still love you," I said to her.

"I still love you too," she grinned. "Look, that guy has got his bedroom eyes."

My heart continued to sink. What the rest of my life would hold, whether Alaina would stay with me, whether Matt would return my feelings or refute them, I hadn't the slightest idea. All I wished was that I could be happy and I could figure things out. And after next year, I could escape my family once and for all.