Stronger

"What?"

Lily has been home for a week now, and today she has a checkup. They're going to check the obvious things, and see how her injuries are healing, but they'll also be talking with me and giving advice

The advice will be about how to deal with certain situations that may arise, and how to make Lily feel most comfortable.

I'm really glad that they're doing this, since the holidays are near, and I'm nervous of how she will act in being introduced to the family.

It was an hour until we needed to leave, so I went to get Lily up.

She hasn't slept through the night yet. the nightmares she has are awful. She yells out in her sleep, and the only way I can wake her from them is by squeezing cold water out of a washcloth onto her forehead.

It then obviously takes a while for her to calm down, and used to, she wouldn't let me hold her, but now she lets me rock her until she falls asleep.

I still haven't gained her trust completely, though. She never talks unless i ask her a question or speak first, and even then it's only a small whisper.

"Lily, pea, time to wake up." I say, rubbing her back gently.

She jolts awake. She never just wakes up. I assume that this is because her father used to wake her by screaming at her beating her. Just, a basic fear of life. It's terrible.

"Good morning, sweetie. Ready for breakfast?" I say.

"It's okay. I'm not hungry, you don't have to give me food."

"Lily honey, you need to eat breakfast or you'll be really tired, pea." I plead, as usual.

"I can't." she says.

"Well, will you tell me why you can't?" I say. This is a part of our morning routine these days.

When she doesn't answer this question, I ask "Can you tell me why you cant answer that?" I say it in the gentlest of tones, praying my voice isn't too high or too low, too frustrated or angry in the slightest. Everything must be perfect for her if I want to make any progress with her.

At this point, Lily normally shakes her head, and I lead her into the kitchen, and She picks at her food until the hunger overtakes her. Then she cries, saying she shouldn't have eaten that, and saying she's sorry. It takes her a while to calm down.

But today, it's different. She answers me, then gets out of bed.

"Because daddy told me not to tell why." Lily says, then disappears down the hall.

Lily won't eat, and her father told her not to tell. I would assume that he did terrible things when she did eat, but I know that I'd be expecting too much of her to ask her that today.

I quickly wipe the fallen tear off of my cheek, then go down the hall to give my daughter her pancakes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's my first outing since Lily has come home, and I'm nervous of how Lily is going to feel. I know that she gets very nervous around people, for obvious reasons.

Thankfully, the waiting room only has a few people in it when we sit down so that I can fill out the paperwork.

A little girl approaches us.

"Hi. My name is Madison. What's your's?" she says. Lily doesn't respond."

"Tell Madison your name, sweetheart." I say. Lily looks at me.

"Yes m'am." She chokes out. She feels she has to reply like that to everyone, and is afraid not to, even though I've told her she doesn't have to call me m'am. I hate it when kids call their parents 'sir' or 'm'am'. "My name is Lily." She says, so quiet you couldn't be sure the girl heard.