The Aftermath - A Gilmore Girls Revival Fan Fiction

Chapter 9

It had been a few days, and I was still staying with Jess regularly. 

"You hungry?  I brought you some dinner up" he said, walking in the door. 

"Is that really a question!?  Have you ever known me NOT to be hungry?" I teased, walking over to the kitchen table. 

As we were sitting down eating, he stared at me from across the table. 

"What?" I asked uneasily, checking to make sure there was nothing in my teeth. 

"You don't have to tell me who's it is, I respect that - for now.  But, why can't you tell HIM?" he asked after a bit.

"Oh.  That" I said softly. 

He nodded and waited for me to answer his question.

"I guess, well, what it really boils down to, is - I'm scared to" I admitted, feeling very vulnerable. 

"Scared?  Of him?" he asked protectively, ready for a fight.

"No, god no.  Nothing like that" I promised. 

"Then what!?  What could possibly be so bad that you can't tell him you're pregnant!?  He has a right to know, you know!  You can't just leave him in the dark for years like Anna did to Luke.  That's not something someone does, Rory!" he exclaimed.

A tear slid down my cheek.  "I - I wouldn't -" I started.

"Luke would have given up everything to have been able to be there for his daughter from day one, and you know it!  And your dad was never around!  Why would you wish that on your kid!?" He yelled. 

"I know!" I tried to tell him, but he kept on pushing.  Tears coming faster into my eyes.

"If it were my kid, I'd want to know!  I may not be particularly good with children, but if I had one, I'd want to know about it!  That's my right!" He exclaimed. 

"Jess, stop!  I want to tell him!  More than anything, I do!  But how can I live with myself knowing I ruined his life!?" I cried, wiping my eyes with my sleeve.

He stopped and was still.  "What do you mean?" He asked.

"Because he's engaged!  He's about to be MARRIED, Jess.  Finding out he's about to have a baby with his call girl doesn't exactly fall in line with his family's dynastic plan" I cried out, putting my head in my hands. 

He nodded calmly. 

I knew immediately that I'd accidentally said all he needed to hear to connect the dots. 

"Logan" he whispered. 

I nodded.  "Logan" I whispered, wiping my eyes again.

"How?  When?  I thought you hadn't seen each other in like, ten years?" he asked calmly.

"We both ended up in the same place at the same time.  He offered to buy me a drink while we caught up.  One drink led to a few, and we ended up back in his hotel room.  That was a little over a year ago" I whispered.

"A year ago wouldn't -" he started. 

"It wasn't just the one time, Jess.  It was every chance we got.  Anytime one of us had a few days free, we would go see each other.  It was like there was some sort of magnet pulling us together.  I never felt the same way about anyone after Logan.  Not even Paul, and I was with him for four years.  He was just a distraction.  Someone to take my mind off Logan.  It sounds terrible - I FEEL terrible about it, but I couldn't help it.  I'm drawn to Logan, and I'm devastated because I think I always will be" I whispered, crying harder all over again. 

Jess nodded, taking it all in.  After a while of burying his head in his hands, he finally spoke. 

"First of all, Rory, you were never his 'call girl'.  How could you be?  I'm sure Logan was just as drawn to you as you were with him.  Maybe, he doesn't even love this girl?  Maybe he lies awake at night, praying for a miracle to stop this wedding.  Something that's bigger than him.  And maybe, just maybe, you're the one carrying that miracle" he said softly, nodding towards my stomach. 

"I just don't want us to be an obligation for him.  The problem has never been whether I thought he would do the right thing or not with the baby.  Even if I try to tell myself otherwise, I know he'd never abandon his child once he found out.  But - I want him to be with us because he WANTS to be, not because he feels like he HAS to be" I whispered, wrapping my arms around myself, hugging my stomach. 

"But you DO want him to be with you" he pressed, knowingly. 

I looked up into his eyes, silent, with tears streaming down my face.    I nodded.  "More than anything.  I just want Logan Huntzberger to choose me; to fight for ME.  But I only want that if it's his own choice.  And that's a choice he needs to figure out before he finds out he's going to become a father.  And if he doesn't come back to me, and he goes ahead and marries her anyway, I'll just have to live with it and tell him then," I whispered. 

Jess sighed.  He may not agree with my logic, but he could at least understand why I felt the need to do things this way.