Survival ✘ Bellamy Blake

19. The Five Stages of Grief

19 | THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF

Death affects people in many different ways. For some, they break down, scream and cry until they can't breathe. Some grieve in solitude and others are too shocked to even give off a reaction. Raina was feeling all three at the once when she saw the Exodus ship hurtle towards earth at maximum speed and at first, excitement bubbled in the Kane's stomach; her family was here. But as the ship continued to fly at the speed of light, that excitement was quickly turned to dread as it hit the earth and combusted into nothing but a cloud of smoke and flames. Raina felt as if the air had been taken from her lungs and she was sure what she just saw wasn't real but she knew it was.

Her father and uncle were dead.

The only two family members she had left were gone.

"Raina..." Finn carefully started. Since when was he beside her? Raina turned around to face him and Raven, her eyes unfocused. "D-Did you see the way it landed? Maybe it was glitch, or-or an accident. Why else would they launch the ship when it wasn't ready?" Finn frowned and shared a look of uncertainty with Raven. "I'm an engineer, okay, I know when something's not ready and that wasn't. Raven, back me up on this."

"Raina..." She started and Finn interrupted, taking a step closer to her. "I'm so sorry, R."

"No, it's not -- They're not dead. " Her voice cracked. There were so many things left unsaid and too many bridges that hadn't been fixed yet. They couldn't be dead. Tears stung the corners of Raina's eyes and her throat felt tight at her attempts to not burst into tears. A sob hitched in her throat and Finn wrapped his arm around her waist before she could completely break down. "C'mon, let's go to the tent alright?" In other situation, she wouldn't want the hundred to see her in being weak but at this point she couldn't careless less. Finn led her to his tent, then helped her sit down before he closed the door and sat down beside of her. Tears streamed down Raina's already tear stained face and she let her head fall on Finn's shoulder who threw his arm over her shoulder and pulled her closer to him. Raven, who was sat opposite of her placed her hand on her friend's shoulder. "We're so sorry, Raina." She spoke, unsure how to comfort her. Never had she seemed the Kane so broken but apparently Finn had because he seemed calm. Then again, the boy was always good at pretending for the sake of them.

"Raina, relax. Just breathe." Finn finally couldn't take anymore of listening to her sobs and moved his position, now on his knees as he sat in front of her and hooked his finger around her chin and made her look at him. "We don't know for sure what happened and I can't lie to you but I promise tomorrow we'll do the best we can to figure out what went wrong." Her face was red and her eyes were puffy from the nonstop crying. "For now, I want you to take a breath and calm down, alright? Raven, you mind getting her some water?" He asked and Raven looked at Raina before she nodded and stood up. Finn turned back to her, rubbing circles on the back of her hand. "But no matter what happened, you still have us. Me, Raven...Bellamy." Finn added the last part with a wince. Raven was back with a metal cup in her hand and she handed it to Finn who passed it on to Raina.

Raina reluctantly took it and took a sip, letting the liquid soothe her scratchy throat. Finn softly smiled, but didn't move until he knew she was okay.

"Thank you." Raina whispered, her words hoarse from crying. The both of them nodded. Raina sniffled, wiping her eyes and she stood up. Raven stepped closer to her and hugged her. "I'm sorry for what happened." She spoke and Raina nodded before she pulled away and turned to Finn who did the same, expect he hugged her much tighter than Raven did.

"Everything's gonna be okay." He reassured and she wanted to believe him but she couldn't. Raina stepped back from Finn's embrace. She didn't look either of them in the eye as she exited the tent. She started to head towards the tent when her attention stopped on Bellamy. Instead of crying in her tent for the rest of the night, she decided to approach him first. She didn't know why, - maybe she thought he could offer peace to her mind but once she thought about it again, it seemed pathetic. Even sober, she still somehow made horrible decisions.

"Hey," Bellamy started, turning from whoever he was talking to and towards her. His smile dropped when he took in her red cheeks and watery eyes. "You okay?"

"I don't know." She shrugged her shoulders. "You said if I needed to talk that I could find you." She exhaled a shaky breath. "Does that offer still stand?"

"Of course it does, R." He dropped whatever he was doing and gave his full attention to her.

"I just..." Another shaky breath. Raina avoided his stare. "Why'd this have to happen?"

It didn't take him long to know she was talking about the Exdous ship and he frowned. He was well aware her father and uncle were supposed to be on it. "I just...There were so many things unsaid and so many things that hadn't been fixed yet and now it's too late..." Her voice broke and the same knot was in her throat. She didn't want to cry again. "My father died thinking I hated him and I-I can't even remember the last thing I said to my uncle."

Bellamy was unsure what to say so instead of telling her, he closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around her. The hug was more softer than Finn's but filled with just as much emotion. She buried her face in his shoulder, hot tears forming in her eyes that threatened to spill over so Raina shut her eyes. Bellamy held the hug for a second longer before he pulled back, though he held onto her arm. "Your father already knew, Raina...As for your uncle, whatever you last said shouldn't matter. But I know what they wouldn't want is for you to be acting like this. It's okay to cry now but you gotta pull yourself together soon. For them." He spoke evenly, then he let go of her arm and she sucked in a breath, nodding in acknowledgment. Bellamy was right. She needed to pull herself together. Not just for her sake but everyone's else's. How else would they survive this war if she's just gonna pull them down by crying over something that none of them could fix?

"Maybe you're right." She sniffled, wiping away her tear stained cheeks. "Thanks, Bellamy."

He smiled. "Anytime, R."