TAINTED | Zayn Malik

Chapter 29| Indecisive

The next morning seemed to be so draining, it just felt like it wasn't going to be my day at all. Even the sky wasn't cheerful and bright with the sun out, fog seemed to lingering around with a frozen mist of cold rain while the clouds were dark and grey. That's exactly How I felt, so damn over it.

Usually around this time, I would feel superior and alive finally getting a bit of action. Yet the only thing on my mind was avoiding Zayn, at all costs. Thankfully he was able to get the idea, allowing me to have my own space. It was something I needed at the moment, being around him was just too much on me. The way his possessiveness targeted my inner emotions, it was weakening my abilities of remaining strong.

I wasn't in a good predicament with him or myself, not being able to form the right words. It was haunting and I knew better than to feed into the fire, especially of deception. I let my cousin's baby daddy eat me out, and it's affecting me. I felt like I was placed along the lines of pettiness, as if I had something to prove. But if anything, the bitch was right.... he definitely knew the great figures his tongue can do. Like an idiot I can way too hard as if I didn't get any great sex.

Originally he planned on doing a lot more to me, but in fear of becoming obsessed I declined him and made him get out the room. Which I knew confused him, yet he still got dressed and left me alone with my thoughts. I figured it would help to think things through, but they only seemed to make them worse.

I wasn't claiming that I was in love with him, hell I could barely stand his existence half the time. I was just afraid I would do something dumb to cause a frenzy between us. And I did, screaming bloody Mary at him if he didn't leave the room. Man, I am a pathetic excuse for a hoe, not being able to have a good one night stand. There was no reason for me to be feeling upset, especially on many different subjects. It was so much that irked me, I just didn't have the guts to voice them. So quietly being in my thoughts, confusing myself was much better than what I was thinking of doing and telling him that sex would just be too much; I would probably end up getting attached to his body and wanting to know the twists of his mind.

I wiped the fog off the mirror, watching my hazy reflection as I pushed back my hair. The large bags underneath my eyes being a evidence of how much sleep I didn't get last night, it was amazing how much a person could be here physically within flesh but yet not mentally here. I've had that emotion more times than I could count, so thankfully it wasn't new to me. Just this whole ordeal was something that made it uncomfortable, from the creepy men to the shootings and chasing to my best friend and now him.

It made me wonder how anyone else would deal being in my shoes, even for just a day. I'm pretty sure they would go insane, from half of what I have to endure. I was a walking lost soul.

My body stilled as a knock came on the door, I bit my lip and waited until it stopped. Counting the seconds, hoping that he wouldn't knock again so I didn't have to face him.