TAINTED | Zayn Malik

Chapter 52| In Which She Seeks Friendship

The entire night was spent eating lasagna in a extremely large bed with Zayn as we watched my favorite movies, well I watched and he just sat there with a dull expression and making commentary when I asked him. I knew he wouldn't quite frankly be fully invested, but it was enough to make me feel good. He didn't quite understand most of the dialogue, but it was the fact he gave it a try that meant the most to me.

You could tell this wasn't something he was used to either, the whole ordeal being foreign to the both of us. We both got through it together, as we pushed forward in our friendship. The more time we were together, the more I wanted to learn about him. The way he thought, his past life, who was his favorite Disney character as a kid. Just normal things any person should be curious about, and that's when I realized we had unintentionally formed a bond with each other. Something that was meant to be work related, a sudden interaction between us that wouldn't have lasted long. But somehow it did, things turned around and I went from hating him, to practically needing his presence to feel something.

I don't even think a single drop of alcohol could ever replace the high I felt when he was around, that was the crazy part about it all. I used to desire being under the influence to escape the reality of my life. But now that I've kinda gotten a glimpse of what it's like to see Zayn's true side, I realized that no bottle of alcohol, no shot of whiskey, no coke with rum could ever replace the feel of him. This went deeper than anything I've ever done, the emotion was so strong that I could almost burst into tears. He was a force that you couldn't escape if you wanted to try, he was strong and demanding. A complete pain in my ass but I loved every single minute of it, down to the fact if he used my regular name I would miss the sound of 'firecracker' echoing from his voice. The way his eyes light up once he said it, the way his Adam's apple bobbed quickly while his lips twitched at the corners. As if he was fighting off a smile to let it be known that he was having a moment with me, it may have not been romantic at that time but it left a huge impact on me. One that I couldn't shake even if I tried.

This was meant to be our dynamic, just completely sure of each other without needing words to describe it. Even though it would help give me closure, I felt like right the most I needed was his attention. Someone that could take my mind on a journey that I would never forget, something that's mind blowing and yet secretive enough that I couldn't run off about it. Just something between us that I could run off with, but then I thought to myself. I am practically alone with him, on a island in a foreign country. This was my chance here, and I wanted a full experience without limiting ourselves because we were afraid of change. I was tired of that, every since that night a few years back. I allowed myself to be closed off, to live in fear of everyday that could make me regret it all. It was hard doing that when no one wanted to compromise, no one cared to hear my voice. Besides one person, and I felt like I owed it to him. And that made me happy to wake up alone in bed, in the wall of my own room the next morning as birds chirped right next to my window. Any other time I would close the curtains and zombie-walk my way back to the bed, just to sleep a few more hours. But this wasn't any ordinary day, I wasn't home. I was free and that alone pushed me to get up faster than anyone else, well at least I thought.