TAINTED | Zayn Malik

Chapter 47 | Don't

I picked up my things off the floor to avoid eye contact with Mona after that question because I knew she was going to wanna talk about it.

I wouldn't have been against if I knew exactly how to explain why I was thinking of him, but truthfully I didn't even know why I thought of it. The only explanation I could think of had to do with the fact we were separate after spending way too much time together, it possibly couldn't be what she was thinking. I just knew it wasn't.

But that was a big problem for me now, I wouldnt have been against talking about it, because the topic has come about way too many times whenever someone brought it up. Each time I still didnt have the slightest idea on what to say or what I should think when it came to him.

How could I explain this to anyone that didnt know my story with Zayn, we were barely friends half the time we talked.

The only explanation I could think of right now was that Zayn became a vivid imagination that corrupted my mind, something that almost resembled as a virus that invaded my personal thoughts, whenever he wasnt touching me physically then it was emotionally and then mentally.

I couldnt explain that to anyone who wouldnt get it. I couldnt exactly find a way to describe him but overtime I found the perfect example, realizing that he was poison. Beautiful and deadly at the same time, but I was addicted to it.

And I knew that I didnt stop thinking about him due to various reasons that I hoped could mask what I was feeling. Living with a stranger and getting to know them did that to you. After spending so much time with that person, it was normal to think about that person a lot.

"Were you just thinking of Zayn when I asked you all those questions?" Mona asked, following me into the kitchen, her tone almost surprised like I was making a joke of it to amuse her.

I felt her eyes boring into me. Please dont make a big deal out of it. I swear, it was nothing! I sighed, discarding the plastic containers into the trash before facing her.

She laughed amused for a few seconds as if she was saying 'You're screwed' and I could tell that my own consciousness agreed with her.

This entire situation with Zayn was going to cause a lot of problems in the future if I didnt stop and saved myself from the shattering it would cause in my life. I was living two different lives at this moment and one day one of them was going to catch up with the other.

My problems would disappear into air, if I cancelled going to Zayn and just used this to my advantage and get away, but I couldnt. I was woven into everything he did and Erica was connected to one of Zayns mates.

And my brother was suddenly involved with Taylor who was also connected to another person involved with Zayn. And my cousin who seemed to be very much in contact with people that wanted to hurt me, mostly to get at him. Either way, I couldnt avoid this even if I wanted too. And a small part of me couldnt let go of Zayn, because he wouldnt let go of me. We were way too concerned about one another.