TAINTED | Zayn Malik

Chapter 48| Free Myself

The days seemed to go by faster than it did before, giving me only two days before I was supposed to go see Zayn. I, somehow convinced him that I wasn't ready to leave just yet. Only due to the fact my mother insisted on doing wedding plans so early, she wanted to get everything perfect for the big day that she couldn't wait any longer.

She wanted to put me on a all plant based food diet, just so I wouldn't look bloated on the day. But it didn't bother me, I liked how I looked and Ben decided to propose. If he had a issue with my body then it wouldn't have made any sense for him to marry me. I was going to be the same person that I've always been, I asked her if he couldn't accept that why was it my problem? And she just smiled while grabbing my hand and said 'The way one man views you is how they all saw you, men like their woman small.' After that I didn't bother to say anything else, I knew she was going back into her mood again so I shook my head and wandered off. I didn't need any reason to make her mad, we were finally on good terms. I didn't want anything to change before I left for god knows how long.

"When is the wedding exactly?" Erica whispered at me, leaning over from searching through a rack of dresses.

I scoffed, wishing I knew the date myself but it wasn't based on what I wanted or needed to know. I just had to play along, only speaking up if they asked me. But I found it hard to believe that would be anytime soon, I glanced at my mom talking to Ben's mom in a very intense conversation about alterations they wanted done to my dress.

I turned back around and giving her a shrug, moving down the line and moving a bunch of new dresses to the side.

"You don't seem like a happy bride to be." She paused, turning fully towards me. "Is everything okay?"

One thing I hated about Erica is that she picked up on these things, no matter how much you attempted to cover your emotions. She always knew and sometimes completely accurate with her theories. But nowadays she was off about most stuff, and I knew it was best to keep it hidden.

"I'm okay, I guess I'm just stressed out about all of this." I gestured to our surroundings, moving away to sit in the corner. "I just don't have anything to call my own."

She walked over to sit beside me, placing her head on my shoulder with a frown on her face.

"I know how you feel, everything just spirals out of control and you can't seem to fix it." She answered timidly.

"What's going on?" I looked down at her.

Erica was a completely strong individual, whenever she had to face something it wasn't over until she managed to conquer it or giving it her all. She was the main person to give me strength without even knowing it, it took a lot to get her down.

As bright and energetic she was, it was rare to see her being defeated or worse, like she was on the verge of a break down. It was something I always refused to allow happen, even if it meant shoving away my feelings to get her to feel better. Only one of us was allowed to feel this way, and I was used to it.