"So do you not want me here? Like, I don't understand what you want, you're being vague."
"I just want someone who won't leave me in a split second. Someone who actually cares about me and loves to be loyal to one person."
"Look, I'm sorry that I broke up with you but that was nearly a year ago. So if you could just forget about that, and maybe we could start over-"
"You're already looking for another relationship?" He laughed. "See Chelsea, this is what I don't get about you. You love to hop around from guy to guy."
I stared at Calum, hurt from what he was assuming. In no way did I enjoy hopping between him and Luke. It was never like that. I messed up, and even though my time with Luke was enjoyable, I hated it. Calum was the one I wanted to be with. I knew that, Luke knew that, and he knew that. Since day one I was head over heels for Calum, and he felt the same way with me. I continued to look at him, with tears nearly pouring out of my eyes.
"I didn't mean it like that." He said quietly. "I'm just saying though, you just got out of a relationship, why do you want to be in another? I think you maybe need to be alone for awhile and have some you time."
"Have some me time?" I laughed. "I've been alone for months I think I've had enough me time."
"If you say so. But don't come to me looking for more."
When he said this his lips shook, and I could tell he didn't mean it. But I wasn't going to pressure him and see what I could get out of him. That just wasn't fair. I didn't get it, though I had really messed up, I was still the same person. A person who was unsure on her love for one boy, and certain of her love for another.
"Calum?" I heard someone laugh. "What's she doing here?"
I turned around and saw Luke making his way through the door. I laughed, since he knew exactly what I was doing here, yet he attempted to act dumb.
"You can't be serious." I smiled. "The real question is, why are you here?"
"I came for our music time, Ash and Mike are on their way up. It's a closed practice, so it'd probably be better if you weren't here."
"Do you want me to leave?" I asked Calum. "If you want me to go, I will."
"Come back, okay?" He asked. "We still have things we need to discuss."
I shook my head yes then began to walk out of his room, saying good bye to both Luke and him. I saw Ashton and Michael exit the elevator, Michael extending his arm for the door to remain open for me. I gave a faint smile and as the elevator door closed, tears began to pour out of my eyes.
As I got home, I ran to my room, locking the door, and I practically screamed my lungs out into my pillow.
I stumbled to my closet, grabbing the box of notes I had from my locker and poured them onto my bed, angrily going through them, and throwing them onto the floor. I went to my desk, grabbing a notebook and pencil, then, with tears falling onto the paper, wrote out everything I wanted to say, but couldn't say in the moments I was able to spend with Calum.
Calum,
Please, as you read this, understand that I still love you. Understand that, I want to be with you, and only you, and there are millions of reasons why you are the one that I want. I know I made a lot of mistakes. I know that my actions may have you convinced that I'm not loyal, but I am, I promise. I'm not who I was before. Believe me, I've had a lot of me time, time for myself to reflect on who I genuinely am as a person, time for myself to know what I want, and to be able to make that clear to you. I may not be who you want anymore. It's a possibility that you absolutely despise me and want nothing more to do with me. And if you do that's fine I guess. Just make that clear to me. I put my life in danger to be with you again. I told my bully that I didn't want him anymore, I made myself a vulnerable target for him to come and attack, and that may not mean anything at all to you, but to me, that is absolutely terrifying. So please, forgive me, and all that I've done since we broke up. It was all a horrible mistake that I wish I could take back. Please, just give me this chance.
I love you,
Chelsea
I sealed the letter with a kiss and addressed it to his home, planning on sending it in the mail, knowing that he would prefer that his mother give it to him than me. I stared at my ceiling, wondering how on earth I could have possibly messed up my life so badly, regretting nearly everything I had done within the past year.
"Chelsea?" I heard my mom yell. "Are you home?"
"Yeah! I'm in my room."
A few moments after I heard a faint knock on my door, and I sighed, rolling to the other side of my bed, not wanting to talk to my mom.
"Chels?" I heard on the other side of the door. "Can I come in?"
"Sure." I groaned into my pillow as I looked up. To my surprise it wasn't my mother standing in my doorway, but it was a tall, pale faced, Michael Clifford. "How did you know where I lived?" I asked, concerned on how he had gotten into my house.
"I followed you here."He admitted. "I told the boys my mom needed me, then took the stairs down as you left the hospital, and let me tell you, stairs are a killer work out."
I laughed, and so did he, me actually enjoying someone else's presence for once.
"Anyways, I followed you here and I was going to knock earlier, but I heard you screaming and thought that you'd probably want to be alone more than anything. But, I hope you know, they both still love you a lot. They both still want to be with you. Calum especially."
"Then why is he being so damn stubborn on getting back with me?"
"He doesn't want to get hurt again. And for Luke, he cares about him. He knows his at home life, and why he acts the way he does. Luke is a challenged guy, he's really alone. Ever since his mom and dad divorced, he wasn't the same. Yeah he kept bullying you, but didn't you notice as we got older, it got worse?"
I shook my head yes, with tears trickling slowly down my cheeks.
"Calum wants to be with you more than anything. He just can't bare to be hurt by you again. You were surprisingly, his first girlfriend, his first kiss, his first everything, he would come to our band practices ashamed to be hiding it from you, yet beaming out of happiness that he had you as his girlfriend, and that all lead to Luke developing his crush on you. Because his life was so torn up and he no longer believed in love, yet he saw Calum so happy with you, that's what he wanted. And Calum described it in such an amazing way that Luke thought the only way he could experience that happiness was with you."
I looked at Michael with my teared filled eyes and couldn't help myself, leaning in for a hug. I cried on his shoulder for what felt like forever and for once in a long time, felt like there was hope in my unfortunate love triangle. I whispered thank you, and he hushed me, patting my back, and stroking my hair.
"Go back to the hospital." He whispered. "Talk to Calum, tell him everything, I promise you, you can convince him to let you love him again."
+
hehehehe how's a two year hiatus. I'm back y'all, and within those two years, a bitch got her heart broken and played by a boy I thought really loved me, so if this shit gets more sad, I'm sorry LMAOOO but yeah, had a two year relationship, had a two year hiatus, but heyo I've returned and I got a lot drafted sooooo I'll keep updating,,,, unless nobody reads these anymore, idk if 5sos fanfics still exist but yaknow. Youngblood is cool asf and I'm seeing them October 12th at the greek theater so hmu if you're going and we can meet and become best friends forevaaa.
