A Kiss From Lucifer (Mac smutfic)

Pain of a Different Kind

Beth and Walter drove home in silence. Beth was curled up in the passenger seat staring out of the window. The hospital had given her new clothes. She had also been informed that if she wanted to try again later, it'd have to be in a few weeks. The doctors had said that the baby had died sometime during the first week, which explained the horrible cramping and bleeding, as he body was trying to flush it out. They'd also said that miscarriages were very common for first time mothers, and that if she decided to have multiple kids it could potentially happen again. That part scared her. This could happen again? Was Beth willing to risk that?

She sighed softly and wiped her cheeks, as tears were starting to roll down them. She saw the house in he distance, yet Mac's truck wasn't there yet. She swallowed thickly and took deep breaths. How was she going to tell him?

"How're you going to tell him?" Walter asked, as though he had read her mind.

"I don't know," she whispered. How would Mac react? Would he be pissed? Hurt? Glad? She never knew where he stood with the idea of kids, and now she'd probably never know.

"Should I keep it a secret?" She mused. If Mac never knew then it wouldn't hurt him.

Walter shrugged. "Whatever you feel is best."

"I'm gonna tell him." She stated. He deserved to know the truth. After all, it had been his baby too. Beth sniffed as she hopped out of the truck. Her abdomen still cramped a little, but it was nothing compared to this morning's cramping. Beth knew that it must've been dinner time, because the sun was lowering in the sky. She limped inside, listening as Walter drove off. Beth stepped inside and felt like breaking down again. She stumbled over to the couch and plopped down, sobbing into her hand. She'd failed! She'd failed as a mother and as a human in general! Was it just her body that failed? Why couldn't she have gone all of the way through with the pregnancy? How did it die? Was it because they were living in a meth lab? Beth sobbed into her hands for who knows how long, waiting for Mac to come home.

Mac drove up to the house and parked the car, sitting in it for a few minutes just thinking. He'd been thinking about kids all day at the lab. Should he ask Beth if she wanted to try? She'd make a great mother, he just knew it. He glanced at the house, just imagining walking inside to find Beth cooking dinner with her stomach bulged out. She'd look good pregnant. Oh but then they couldn't fuck. Mac bit his lip as he thought about this. She could always blow him, but how could he please her? Maybe she'd be happy with just being pregnant? He added that to the mental list of what to discuss with Beth.

He hopped out of his truck and headed up to the front door. He was a little excited to tell Beth that he wanted a baby. When he pushed the door open, though, he heard sobs coming from the couch.

"Beth?" He asked, cautiously walking over to where Beth was sobbing into her hands, and he was instantly concerned. "Beth, what's wrong?"

"M-Mac," she mumbled, wiping her cheeks off and turning to look up at him. "I-I need to tell you something." 

"What is it?" Mac asked, sitting down next to her.

Beth sniffled a little, wiping her nose as she gathered the courage to say it. "I-I was...I w-was..."

"Jus' spit it out." Mac murmured gently. She was what?

Beth let out another strangled sob, but quickly swallowed and tried again. She was stronger than this! It was just a few words!

"I was p-pregnant." She whispered, staring into her lap as more tears filled her eyes.

Mac was silent, a sick feeling of dread in his stomach. Was? As in not anymore? "What?" Mac mumbled softly.

Beth sniffed again. "It's dead." She felt her heart breaking, and all she wanted was for Mac to hold her while they sobbed.

But she wouldn't get that.

Mac stood up, feeling a slight tinge in his heart. "Dead? The fuck do ya mean, 'dead'?" He demanded, his voice no longer soft and comforting.

Beth flinched at his hardened tone as she looked up at him. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

Mac gritted his teeth together. How could this have happened? He started pacing. She had been pregnant and hadn't even told him! Why wouldn't she tell him? Unless...

"Did you abort it?" Mac demanded, his heart tearing. Then again, why would she keep it? Why not abort it? She had Walter's number, she could've found out that she was pregnant with his baby and decided not to go through with the pregnancy. Of course. Why would she want his baby?

Beth's eyes widened at the accusation. "No! M-Mac I would never-"

"Don't fuckin' lie to me!" Mac roared, all of his sorrow being shifted into anger. "Why the hell didn't you tell me you were pregnant?"

"I just found out last night!" Beth claimed.

"Then why not tell me last night?" He spat, glaring at her. She killed his baby! Or was it even his? "Was it even mine?"

"Yes!" Beth cried.

"Really? Sure it wasn't Luke's or Mike's? Is that why ya didn't tell me? Cause it wasn't even mine?" Mac demanded, but his heart hurt. She cheated on him? Now all he wanted was to hurt her. Hurt her as badly as she hurt him. Well two can play at that game! "Remember that night ya lied and said that ya loved me? Well I fucked someone else that night." He lied, and Beth's face crumbled. But Mac didn't feel much remorse. "Yeah, it was great. She actually knew what the hell she was doin'."

"Mac, stop." Beth pleaded, more tears running down her face. He cheated? And on the night she confessed?

"Oh no! Hell I bet she's pregnant right now! Maybe I should go live with her, since she don' wanna kill my children." He spat, glaring at Beth.

Beth's heart was shattered beyond compare. Mac cheated and he thought that she had killed the baby on purpose...

"I didn't kill it," she whispered, tears running down her face now. Mac cheated...

"Bullshit." Mac growled. He was hurt by Beth's confession. Was the baby even really his? How long had she known? He needed a drink and to get away from her. "I'm goin' to the bar. When I get back dinner better be ready." Mac growled, storming to the door and slamming it shut once he was out.

Beth sat in silence, sobbing to herself. Mac thought she cheated, but really he cheated. He thought that she had aborted the baby. She would never do that! But Mac would never think so. And now he was off getting wasted at the bar, probably going to hook up with other women while Beth sobbed to herself. How would things go on between them? Would they go back to square one? Would Mac bring home random women and fuck them in their bed, and in the morning force Beth to make them breakfast? Mac would never trust her again. He'd never hold her again, never tell her that he loved her. He hated her. She hated herself. What was the point of life if the only person around hated you? At least if she were dead Mac wouldn't have to look at her anymore. He'd just bury her body and go back to the way things were before he met her. But how would she do it? A gun? No, Mac kept his only gun on him. Pills? Mac didn't have those either. A knife... he had plenty of those. She'd just lay in the tub, slit her wrists, and bleed out. That way Mac wouldn't have much to clean, and he'd be rid of her. And she'd stop suffering and join her baby in heaven.

She stood up slowly, her face hard as any emotion that she had drained out of her. She walked into the kitchen and browsed through the knife drawer, picking out the sharpest one. Then she shut the drawer, glancing at the kitchen. Mac had wanted dinner. She set the knife down and started preparing hamburgers, her gaze fixed on the browning meat. Once those were finished, she set them on a plate and opened the microwave, finding a plate of eggs sitting in there already. Mac had made her breakfast that morning. Before he hated her. She took that plate out and threw it away, knowing that she wouldn't need it. She set the burgers in the microwave and set some condiments on the counter. It had been 10 minutes since Mac had stormed out.

Beth grabbed the knife again and headed numbly to the bathroom, where she shut and locked the door.