My Happiness

Going Home, Not so Sweet Home

During the walk home, they both felt guilty. It was a deadly silent walk. They both could not look each other in the eye, they could not even look at each other. Wheein looking at her feet. Meanwhile, Hwasa was looking around and thinking. She thought to herself...
So... Wheein quit because of me. I thought the reason she quit was because of what she said. But, it wasn't. It was me in the end. I ruined everything. I could have just quit myself without dragging her with me. Why did I do that? I'm so useless. I'm more harm than I am help. I should just leave. Leave from her sight. I know that I'll always find a way back to her because I love her... but that can't happen. The only way I can stay away from her is if I die...

Sadly, Hwasa was thinking of ways to end her life. Of course being intoxicated affected her actions. If she was sober, she wouldn't have actually thought of killing herself or if she did, she wouldn't have gone as far as actually trying to figure out how to. During the walk, she concluded that the best way to kill herself was to jump in the street. She wanted to make sure Wheein knew how she felt before. She told Wheein
"Wheein ah~ I love you and I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too, Hwasa."
"I love you."
"Haha, I love you too."
"No, no, no. Not in a sisterly way. I like you. Like, I got desires I shouldn't have. Since you're my friend, I kept it on the down low. So when I kissed you, I meant it. I love you so much."
"How much?"

Wheein was basically completely sober. When Hwasa said this, she knew this was her only chance to make more of this friendship. She loved Hwasa so much and she has been hiding she thought to herself
Am I deluding myself? Is this just Hwasa's drunk side? Does she really love me? I can just be happy for this moment then. I can ask her right? I hope this isn't selfish or considered taking advantage of her. She's my happiness. Our moments, our memories, these are all my happiness. Is it okay for me to be this greedy in one night and ask for some more happiness? I know it's not the alcohol. I've been making excuses. I always told you I was in love with someone else when I was in love with you. I even told myself I was in love with someone else. I used to tell myself that I was in love to the man who saved me but now you're telling me it's you. I have no more excuses... I love you. I will let myself love you.

Hwasa hesitates to answer then laugh while saying
"I love you... Hmm... More than Juliet loved Romeo, more than Moonbyul loves Solar, more than an alcoholic loves alcohol, more than I should."
"Since when?"
"It started the day I met you. I was so grateful to have met you. I fell for you immediately."
"Why?"
"Your voice."
"What if I didn't have my voice."
"I'd still love you."
"Why?"
"Because you're Wheein."
"and...?"
"Why are you asking so many-"

Hwasa stopped herself from finishing her question because she knew it was going to stop Wheein from asking questions. Hwasa thought that she may as well let Wheein ask as many questions as she wants since Hwasa was going to leave her forever soon. But Wheein noticed that hwasa was getting annoyed and decides to ask one last question.
"For how long?"
"For how long what?"
"Will you love me?"
"Till I die."
"Are you sure? That's a long time."
"Life is shorter than you think."

Wheein was satisfied. She thought that the alcohol was talking but she didn't care, as long as it came out of Hwasa's mouth. Wheein was truly happy. This may have been the happiest she has ever been. Her happiness seemed to only last a split second though. Hwasa was standing next to her, looking at the road. Hwasa saw a passing car and decided that was the one. Hwasa thought to herself
I just spilled my heart out to her. She stood there and asked questions. Heartlessly asking question. Coldly not saying I love you back. Even if it was a lie, I wanted to hear her say it back. But at least she knows how I feel and I know how she feels. I guess I can leave this world as light as a feather knowing it won't hurt her much when I'm gone.
A car caught her attention, it was a small car that seemed to be speeding. Hwasa jumped in the road, looked at Wheein then thought

Goodbye my love.