Sinking Through the Cracks

Back to School

I get back to school, Monday morning, a week later, with Anthony walking beside me.  I go down one hallway, him down the other, and I find Penelope.  I get her cell phone number before I forget and we head to our first class.  We sit down and get through the boring lesson, escaping homework.  The day passes uneventfully, that is, until lunch. 

When we walk through the cafeteria, there are a few teachers standing in the corner.  That's when I remember that they are revealing the winners of the writing contest.  I sit down with Anthony and after a few minutes, the teachers come to the center of the room.  The tallest, our Literature teacher, steps forward holding a microphone,

"Hello?  Hello! We are now announcing the winners of the writing contest.  We, the teachers, are saying it to you first, and anyone in the room who has won can step forward, otherwise, the other winners will be notified over the intercom for everyone to hear, " he says and another female teacher I don't know starts reading of names.  She gets within the last two and I know that I haven't won.  Two kids in our lunch room have received awards, but I know that I won't get one.  Another teacher reads off the second place kid's name and she steps forward.  I take a sip of water, waiting for the time where we can talk again, but I hear my name called.  I freeze.  There must be a mistake.  I look around and everyone is staring at me, the only ones smiling being Penelope and Anthony.  Anthony pushes my elbow and I stand up, making my way towards the cluster of teachers who are all smiling warmly.  Anthony starts cheering, standing up, and he's shouting things that a teenage girl would say in the stands of a football game.  Penelope stands up and cheers like a guy, using the deepest voice she can muster.  I'm handed a medal and my story back with a long note which I'm sure is filled with compliments.  I rush back to my table and my two friends sit down, no noise having come from anyone else.  Anthony smiles and say,
"I knew you would win!   I knew it." 
"You didn't tell me you were entering the contest!!!" Penelope says.  They keep complimenting me and telling me how great I am.  The talking stops when Ruby leans on the table. 

"Wow... The freak won the contest beating out my love story.  Let's see if this story is just as good as the teachers say or whether they were just throwing the ugliest bitch a bit of sunshine," she says as she pulls the thick stack of papers toward her.  I barely hear what she says because her boobs are directly in front of my face.  I scrunch up my nose at the obnoxious smell of her strong perfume.  She starts reading it aloud, but I could care less.  I loved my story.  To me, it was perfect.  She could say anything about it and I wouldn't care.  I lean back in my seat, waiting for her corrections, but I notice that she has to get to chapter three before she can fine something to critique.  Anthony and Penelope just stare at her as she whines and throws the papers on the ground, stamping on them in her heeled shoes.  She runs off with tears running down her cheeks, messing up her make up.  Now I see the perks of her getting new shoes every week, there isn't any dirt on my papers.  I pick up the stack and return to my seat. 

Anthony, Penelope, and I all walk to my house that afternoon and Penelope shows us her talent, singing.  Her voice ranges from being able to sing Rehab by Amy Winehouse to the high parts in Titanium by David Guetta.  She sits down on Anthony's other side and we all watch a movie together before they both go home.  When they leave I decide to head to the basement.  I go down the stairs and through a few doors in to the "work out room" that my parents made.  The only problem was that they were never home to work out in it.  I get on the treadmill and walk for quite a while.  When my legs feel like jelly I make it in to the other room in the basement and flop on the sofa, sleeping until 1 am.  I get up and go to walk upstairs when my vision suddenly goes black, white dots forming at the edges of my vision.  I grab the arm of the sofa for support as my head starts spinning.  I gag and run to a bucket in the corner that used to be there for a drip.  Now we've had the drip fixed, but no one moved the bucket.  I vomit up the small amounts of food that I had consumed over yesterday.  I'm satisfied when almost nothing comes up and when I feel that my stomach is empty.  I make my way slowly upstairs and blush my teeth very well.  I dress in a long sleeve teal tee-shirt, leggings that have long black and white stripes running up and down the legs, a black zip up hoodie, and simple black and white converse.  I stand in the mirror for a minute and decide that my outfit is as good as it's going to get.  Then I work on my make up.  I put on some facial lotion followed by a thin layer of concealer.  Then I apply thick black eyeliner, grey eye shadow, blush, highlighter, mascara, and to top it all off, a berry lip stain.  I brush out my hair, fishtailing it over my left shoulder, and wash my glasses, too tired for contacts.    I stare in the mirror, wishing that parts of me could be smaller.  I wish that my thighs were smaller, that my stomach was flatter, that my arms were skinnier, that my cheek bones were stronger, that my collar bone would pop out more... All things that I could make happen if I stopped eating. 

My thoughts are interrupted when I glance at the time.  It took me so long to get ready that I have to leave now in order to get to school a little late.  That's just how long it takes me to put on my make up because I'm so ugly that I need it all.  I practically run to school and I have to go to the office to get a late slip.  Lucky for me, the office where I have to go is half way across campus from where my first class is.  I put in my lime green headphones and start listening to my 1 direction playlist.  Yes... I like one direction...  I'm not a major fan, but I do like a lot of their music.  Anyway, I pull up my hood and walk, firstly to the office, then to the guidance counselor because the principle walked in when I was there and he thinks that I should pay the guy a visit.  I sigh and nod, not wanting to disagree with the principle, and I drag myself through the hallways.  I finally get to the guidance office and when I open the door, the man inside smiles at me.  I give back a quick smile which I hope looked genuine.  Lets see what he's says regarding what's me is wrong with me.