Sinking Through the Cracks

The Return

I stay away from school even after break.  I don't want to go back, plus I can't just walk into school with a black eye.  The school calls our home phone multiple times, and they talk to my dad.  He brings home my homework everyday.  I don't see Anthony, and I pretend that I'm not there when he throws rocks at my window.  I keep my blinds down so that he can't see the wreckage.  I haven't dealt with anything in my room except for Nagaini's body.  Anyway, it's not that I don't want to see him, it's that I don't want him to see my bruise. 

After three weeks at home, the full on black eye has faded a bit, leaving only a small bruise on the bridge of my nose.  Prom is only a day away, and my dad insists that I go back to school.  I really don't want to go back.  The house has been free of my mother, because my dad forced her out.  I have gone so long without being tormented, and it feels really good.  Plus, I have been cutting a lot recently, and the release from that coupled with the release of my mother have made my life almost bearable.  But he refuses to let me stay home any longer.  So, it's a Friday that I get up at 6:00 and get dressed in black jeans and a hang-me-down maroon sweater.  Black flats, and a black bowler hat top it off and I run out the door, almost late.

Everything about school is the same and different today.  No one seems to notice that I'm back, which is a relief.  They all seem focused on prom, which is tonight.  I just keep my head down, listening to Imagine Dragons.  I get my books out of my locker and go to my next class.  The scene inside looks exactly the same as when I left. Ruby and Logan are sitting on a desk, making out.  People are scattered around the room in groups, talking loudly.  Anthony is sitting in the back of the room, drawing.  God, Anthony.  His eyelashes look like they're a mile long.  His eyebrows scrunch every now and again as he draws.  His fingers fumble on the page as he decides what to draw next.  I didn't realize how badly I missed him until I saw him.  I don't know what to do, or what to say, so I just go and sit next to him.  He doesn't look up.  I glance at his drawing and am disgusted by it.  It's a gruesome version of the Grim Reaper.  I poke Anthony's arm and he looks over at me like I'm nothing new.  He turns back to his notebook and I feel my face burn.  I get up and move to a different desk as far away from him as possible.  I get through all of my classes while avoiding Anthony.  Lunch comes  quickly and I push through the crowd toward my locker.  I dump my books in and stare at the cold metal.  I close the door and lean against it.  The hallway empties and I slide to the base of the locker, resting my head in my hands.  I fucked up everything.  Anthony won't speak to me, my mother is a nut-job, my best friend is dead, my other friend commited suicide, and I'm just as obese as ever.  Although, I did lose 11 pounds while I stayed at home.  It's not like you could tell though.  I feel tears start to prickle in my eyes and I just let them spill over.  I feel so tired and pathetic and cold that I just don't care anymore.  

I hear someone walk toward me, and then they slide down next to me.  I glance over and Anthony's sitting next to me.  He puts an arms around me and I rest my head on his shoulder.  

"I shouldn't have done that in class."

"No, I shouldn't have iced you out during break." 

"Can you at least tell me what happened?"  I shake my head and feel the tears coming faster.  Anthony pulls me onto his lap and holds me tightly.  

"Ally?  Ally, I would like to see you in my office."  I turn around and Mitchel is standing in front of us.  

"Fuck," I whisper.

I drag myself away from Anthony and follow Mitchel to his office.  I sink into one of the leather chairs and wipe my face with the sleeves of my shirt.  I keep my head in my hands.  

"Ally, why did you disappear from school?  What happened over break?"  I shake my head for too long.  

"Ally, you need to talk about what happened.  Clearly, something bad happened and you won't get over it.  Just tell me something little.  Or something vague."

"Okay.  Okay.  My mom went on a rampage."  He stares at me like he's never heard those words put together in a sentence.

"Alright.  What did she do?"

"She burned my room and killed my pet," and once I get started, I can't stop, "and she ruined all of my artwork, and she burned all of my writing and all of my books, and my bed.  She had been drinking wine and when I tried to stop her, she swung the wine bottle and she gave me a bad black eye.  God, I hate her.  I hate her.  She insulted me.  She always insult me."  I pull on my hair a little and I rock myself in the chair.  The tears only come faster and faster.  My breathing is fast and harsh coming in raspy gasps.  

Mitchel leaves the room and I hear the sound of a phone being dialed.  I hear his mumfled voice through the door, "Mr. Pearson, I need you to come pick up Ally.  She's having a tough day.  She recalled the events of her spring break, and can't cope with," and then I hear some mumbling.  Mitchel comes back into the room and dismisses me to the office to be picked up.