Sinking Through the Cracks

Returning

I just got released from the hospital. It's been almost 6 months, but I've finally "recovered". I've gained nearly 50 pounds along with a brand new meal plan issued from the hospital to keep my weight up. They insisted that my dad stay home every night of the week to see that I was eating dinner. I haven't even let myself think about Anthony in the past month, afraid of what would happen when I did.
When we get home, my dad shows me how he emptied out my room, making it a blank canvas. He says that I can redecorate it any way I want.
I spend all day unpacking and sending in all the homework that I had done when I was in the hospital. We're a month into summer now and I'm so happy that I don't have any catching up to do for school. I really only ended up missing the last two weeks.
My dad helps me purge all of my razors, removing then a from the house. The look of disappointment and shock on his face when I reveal all thirty from their hiding places makes me want to crawl in a hole and die.

That night he makes dinner and we sit together at the table to eat. I slowly chew a piece of chicken, purposely trying not to recall the calories that I had memorized so well before. When my plate is clear, I try to feel triumphant.
We sit together to watch a movie, and my dad's arm finds its way around my shoulder and I lean into him. Our relationship has actually grown closer while I was hospitalized. He sat with me for hours on end, just talking with me and catching up on all the parts of my life that he missed. Some days I was crying and some days he was crying, but we took care of each other.
I finally feel like I have a real parent. My mom ended up going to jail for child abuse and my dad filed for a divorce and he got full custody of me.
Most of the pieces of my life are coming back together. The only thing is, some pieces have strayed farther than others.