Sinking Through the Cracks

Pain

We leave the house a little while later, Anthony driving.  I try to control my breathing.  My hands are shaking in my lap, even though I have them clenched together.  We get to the parking lot, which is full, and we're forced to park on the street.  I'm about to get out when I hear Anthony's voice,
"Hey.  Thanks for wanting to go tonight."  I nod and he smiles at his lap.  
"One last thing," and he hands me a red, sparkly, mask.  I must look confused.
"It's a masquerade.  Remember?  We have to wear masks."  I nod and put it on, trying to smile at him.  

Just the walk from the car to the gym entrance makes me feel tired and dizzy.  I grab Anthony's arm as we enter and he gives me a weird look.  I cling onto him, trembling.  We get tickets and go into the dark room, starring around.  We push ourselves into the crowd, and I have no idea what to do.  Anthony says that he wants to get us a drink, so he leaves me at one of the tables.  I sink into a chair, holding my head in a vain attempt to make the room stop spinning.  Then I feel someone's hand on my shoulder,
"Care to dance?"  Some guy is standing behind me, offering his hand.  A chaperone probably sent him to dance with the lonely, fat girl.  Before I can respond, he takes my hand and pulls me up, dragging me through the crowd.  We get to a clearer spot and he lets go, moving around and sort of bouncing to the beat.  I sort of sway from foot to foot to match the beat.  Then he takes my hand and starts spinning me, making me want to vomit.  Then a hand firmly grabs my arm, making me jump.

"Can I cut in?" Anthony's voice says over my shoulder.  The guys nods quickly and walks off.  He's really shrimpy compared to Anthony.  A slow dance comes on and Anthony pulls me close to him, making me suck in.  His hand sits on my lower back and we sway gently.  I rest my head on a spot just below his shoulder, closing my eyes.  I try to pretend that we're alone, like someone set up this moment just for us.  Then the song ends too quickly, forcing me to pull away.  

"Hey, you okay?" Anthony asks, holding my hand.
"Yeah, fine," I say, folding my arms across my chest.  I'm freezing cold and tired and dizzy and extremely hungry, but I don't tell him any of that.  Anthony wanted to have a good time and I don't want to ruin this for him like I've ruined everything else.  He kisses the top of my head as we go back to the table.  I sip my punch as Anthony finishes his, pulling me back to the dance floor.  I mock his dance moves and he mocks mine.  I keep excusing myself to go the bathroom, just so that I can sit on the toilet seat to stop feeling dizzy.  I come back and Anthony's at the door to meet me.

"What's going on?"
"Nothing."
"Ally, you're visibly shaking, you're cold to the tough, and you're going to the bathroom every 20 minutes.  Maybe we should just go home."
"No.  You really wanted to come and I didn't go through all this just for you to want to go home."
"Yes, Ally.  We're going home.  Something's wrong and you're not telling me."  I feel a physical pain start in my chest and I try to hold it in, but I'm sure that it registered on my face by the way Anthony's looking at me.

"What?  What's going on? ALLY!  Stop lying to me."
"I-I'm no-" but I'm suddenly short of breathe, "not lying."
"No, I want to go home.  We'll watch a movie and go to bed late.  It'll be better than prom."
"NO.  I squeezed myself into this tiny ass dress and worried about seeing Ruby and worried about how I would look and your mom took off my makeup and nail polish and but on all this other stuff and I hate it and you like it, so we're having a fun night and that's that," and I grab his arm as my knees buckle.  The dizziness returned full force and all that ranting made me breathless.
"Ally, I don't want this.  I want to go home.  Screw prom."  I  feel tears in my eyes and his hand on my arm, holding me up.  I feel another sharp pain in my chest, my heart fluttering.  I don't know what I'm feeling, but it hurts.  I try to slow my breathing and hold myself up, but the pain still stands strong, taking over my vision.  Anthony's other arm grabs mine, and he's physically holding me up now.  He gently pushes me against a wall, helping me sit against it.  I hear a few people around me, stirring.  Then Anthony's gone and I'm alone and I draw my legs against my aching chest, each breath becoming even more painful.  I put my head on my knees, closing my eyes.  I pull off the stupid mask and set it next to me.  I put my hands up to my face, everything going black.  I don't remeber anything after that.