Sinking Through the Cracks

Coming Home

When I lower my hand, done trying to fix my makeup, Anthony steps forward and wraps his arms around my waist from behind, resting his head on my shoulder.

"I made breakfast," he says, smiling.

"All by yourself?!  Without burning the house down?" I tease.

"Yeah, though the bagels are slightly singed," and I laugh.  

We walk downstairs and there are two plates.  On both are half a bagel with Nutella and strawberries.  My stomach turns in knots as I sit down at the table.  How am I going to handle this?  I eat a little over half the bagel and all the stawberries, feeling obese by the time I'm done.  I help Anthony tidy and we go back upstairs.  We both flop on his bed, side by side, when I say,

"I should probably go home."

"Why?" 

"We have school tomorrow, I need to shower, I'm not done with my homework, Nagini needs to be fed, and my house needs to be cleaned." 

"How about you go home and I'll join you at your house in an hour.  I'll bring my backpack and clothes and I'll stay over. Then I'll go to school with you, like usual, and then pick up my stuff after school."

"That sounds wonderful," and with that, I pull my pants back on, gather my crap together, and leave, giving Anthony a peck on the lips, before walking the short distance to my house.  I go to my room and give Nagaini her food.  I take a shower, blasting music, and get out, staring at myself in the mirror.  I turn sideways, sucking in my stomach, and feel sick, sure that I can already see the weight that I gained from breakfast.  I force myself to step on the scale in the corner and it reads 102.  I hate myself.  I drag myself away from the scale and go back to my room, knowing that Anthony will be coming soon.  I pull on black, slightly fuzzy leggings and a white tee shirt with bold, black lettering spelling the words: Hogwarts Alumni.  With it is the chrest in the background with two broomstcks crossing each other.  I apply a thin layer of foundation and then mascara, ending with tinted chapstick.  I have just enough time to finsh brushing my now dry hair before the doorbell rings.  When I answer it, the first thing I say is,

'Tired of climbing my tree are you?"

"Never, but it's hard with a duffel bag."   As he comes inside, I smile, loving the way he walks and talks and everything.  He drops his bag at the bottom of the stairs and flops on the sofa like it's his own home.

"What do you want to do?" he asks from the sofa.

"I told you that I have laundry and cleaning."

"Well let me help," and he follows me upstair where I retrieve the vacumn and other cleaning supplies.  He vacumns while I clean the upstairs bathroom.  When he's done vacumning upstairs, he brings it downstairs, and I follow, done with the bathroom.  He quickly finishes tidying the living room and joins me in the kitchen.  I have the country music blasting and I going here and there, cleaning at random.  The song Honeybee, by Blake Shelton, come on and he starts singing, his voice blending with my humming.  I'm trying to wipe off the counters, but he distracts me, picking me up and spinning me at odd moments.  Once we finish, the song is almost over.  I picks me up, setting me down in a sitting position on the counter and he sings the last lyrics in to my ear; 

If you'll be my soft and sweet, I'll be your strong and steady

You be my glass of wine, I'll be your shot of whiskey

You'll be my sunny day, I'll be your shade tree

You be my honeysuckle, and I'll be your honey bee   

I smile and kiss him, loving that he loves the same music I do.  We both laugh and he goes to grab a drink from the fridge.

"You forgot to include that you need to go grocery shopping," he says and I try to ingnore the comment.

"Let's go!" he says, grabbing two juices from the fridge.  I shake my head and whine, not wanting to go shopping for the enemy, food.  If it's in the house, I might eat it and nothing good can come of that.  Anthony refuses to let this go however because he sees my purse, grabs it, and slings me over his shoulder, about to walk through the door.

"Anthony!!! I don't have shoes on!" I shout.  He spins around and grabs the pair of converse by the door.  He walks with me over his shoulder, my purse on his arm, and my shoes in his hand, all the way back to his house.  He only lets us back inside long enough for me to put my shoes on and for him to grab two hoodies and a set of keys.  While he's off getting the clothes, I grab the eyeliner from my purse and apply two thick lines around my eyes, winging out slightly at the tips.   He comes back downstairs and scolds me silently for applying makeup.  He offers me and option from the two hoodies, one is black and the other is dark teal.  I accept the teal one and pull it on, knowing that he wears this one more often.  When we settle in to his car, I can smell his cologne on the jacket.  He holds my hand for the whole car ride, a short ten mintues, and we sing along with the country music on the radio.  When we get to the store, he picks me up and puts me in the basket of the cart making me laugh.  We go inside and pick out a series of items, bagels, strawberries, black berries, Nutella, and a whole bunch of other groceries.  We go to the checkout and I try to insist in paying for my own groceries, but Anthony won't let me, even though I continue to insist that my parents gave me grocery money.  We load them into his car and drive back to my house.  We were singing to the radio again when Anthony turns down the volume and glances at me in the passengers seat,

"Where are your parents?"

"On a business trip."

"For how long?"

"3 months."

"How much longer will they be gone?"

"A few weeks."

"Oh," he finishes.

We get back to my house and unload the groceries which takes half and hour.  When we finish, I lead Anthony in to the living room, flopping on the sofa.

"Wanna watch a movie?" I ask.

"What movie?"  he asks, and I shrug, pointing to the cabinet in the corner.  He gets up and opens it, staring at the array of movies stored within.  He picks out Silver Lining's Playbook.  We cuddle, watching Jennifer Lawrence.  I envy her,  her body, her confidence, and her humor.  We watch movies into the night, and Anthony makes a box of mac and cheese for dinner.  I only eat half of the bowl that he gives me, and I help him clean up afterwards.  When we finish, we retire to my bedroom, collapsing on the bed together.  We fall asleep, both lying on our left sides, our bodies pressed together, our legs tangled.  I'm wearing baggy sweatpants and a black, long sleeve shirt.  He's shirtless with black sweatpants.  We snuggle together, asleep, and when I wake up, it's to the lights in my room being flipped on and my parents standing in the doorway, opened mouthed.