Sinking Through the Cracks

Prom?

"Let's go to prom." Anthony looks up at me, surprised.

"What?"

"Anthony, I want to go to prom with you."

"No, Ally, we need to talk about this. This needs to be addressed. This-"

"I'll do all that if we go to prom." I'm  just hoping to distract him.

"Fine."

My dad lets us go without explanation. When we get to Anthony's house, I feel even more nervousness stir inside me. When we get inside, Franny gives me a long hug before pulling me upstairs to get ready. She paints my nails first, stripping them of their old black polish, and covering them in shiny red. As they dry, she does my makeup. Once that's done, she leads me into her bedroom and does my hair in a pretty up-do. Then she drags me back to that sewing room to put on the dress. I pull it on and call her back into the room. She clicks her tongue and walks around me, not letting me look in the mirror. She complains about some fabric that's supposed to be tight to my skin, but suddenly isn't. This satisfies something inside me, ironing out some of my nerves. She makes me take it off so that she can take it in more. She pulls me back in after 20 or so minutes where I had been sitting on the floor, trying to regain my energy. I stand up as she pulls me back into the room, tossing the dress over my head. It's smooth fabric slides down my body and she zips up the back.

"You look stunning," she says.

"Oh, sorry, open your eyes." When I do, I'm disappointed. The dress would look beautiful on someone else, but all I take in is how fat I look. I can already see how that slice of cake affected my thighs and hips and stomach.

"Don't you love it?" I nod, trying to fake happiness. She claps her hands, smiling widely, and pulls me out of the room. I stumble in the heels, feeling weird. She insists that Anthony just has to me. When we find that he's busy getting ready, I feel relieved. I excuse myself to use the bathroom and I lock myself in. I carefully position my head over the toilet and I stick a finger down my throat. Not much comes up, but what little does satisfies me. I flush, straighten up, and spray some air freshener. I check myself in the mirror and rinse my mouth with mouthwash, feeling better. I wash my hands and check the room one last time. I close the door behind me and jump when I hear a voice,

"Why are you so little?" I look around and see one of Anthony's little brothers, but I don't know whether he's Finn or Jake.

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

"You. You're so tiny. Do you eat food?" I nod, smiling.

"I'm just like everyone else."

"No, you're not. You're...teeny. Like a little doll." I feel tears prickling at my eyes and I start to walk away.

"Did I make you sad?" I shake my head and sit on a hard kitchen chair, feeling light-headed.

"Why don't you ever eat?"

"I told you that I do eat."

"I never seen you."

"What about when Anthony brought me here the first time?"

"Yeah, but you barely ate anything. I ate more."

"Well, I don't want to get fatter."

"But you aren't." He comes over to me and gently rests his fingers on my collarbone.

"Mommy says that you're skinny. She says that she wishes that you would eat more.  Is there something wrong with you?"

"I don't know. I'm pretty weird," I say. It's meant to come out in a funny way, but his eyes look suddenly sad.

"I wish that you weren't so little. It makes Mommy and Anthony scared."

"It does?"

"Yeah. Whenever Anthony comes home, he looks a little sad. Like excited, but with a drop of sad mixed in. I think that he likes you, so that makes him excited, but he gets sad that you don't take care of yourself. That's what he said when I asked him what was wrong."

"Does Anthony talk about me?"

"Yeah. He thinks that you're pretty and smart and funny."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Then I hear Franny voice calling me, so I go to find her upstairs, stumbling over my own feet and feeling wobbly. I find her in the living room and her smile only gets bigger when she sees me. Anthony has on a tux and he looks like he belongs in an action movie. I belong in a sad romance movie where I'm the unfortunate fat girl who doesn't get the guy. He takes my hands and spins me around, making me feel even more woozy. I mentally thank Franny for putting on the amount of blush that she did, because I feel my cheeks grow paler with every second. She also gave me lips as bright red as my dress. She hands my a purse with a little strap that sits on my hip. She tucks my phone and tube of lipstick in it. Then she starts taking pictures. After a while, my head starts to spin even worse and I can feel my legs weaken. I thank god for Anthony when he suggests that we have enough pictures. Franny smiles and goes to put away the camera, leaving us alone. I sit on the sofa and he sits next to me, keeping his arm around my waist. I suck in while I sit, hoping that the tight fabric doesn't expose my rolls of fat.

"I love you," he whispers.

"I love you, too," I say, hoping beyond hope that he means it.