Sinking Through the Cracks

Revealing Secrets

When we get home, I go into the end bedroom where I've been staying since my mom destroyed my room. I lie on my back and listen to my music, trying to satisfy my hunger. Sometime later, my dad comes in.

"Ally, we need to have a serious discussion about what happened today. You're severely underweight for your age. The doctor fears that you may have an eating disorder. We need to address this before it becomes any worse."

I put my head in my hands, shaking it.

"Dad, I don't know what he's talking about. I'm not underweight. I'm-"

"Ally, don't lie to me. The doctor says that you're underweight and even if you aren't, you shouldn't be 76 pounds. That's unnatural and unhealthy. Your organs are in danger of shutting down. Ally, this isn't something that you can play around with. Your life is in danger. But, by the way, is there any other life threatening news that you aren't telling me?! I can't believe that you've been keeping this to yourself. What else aren't you telling me?"

I carefully tug up the ends of my sleeves, revealing my scars and fresh cuts.

"Ally, what the hell is this?"

"There- there are more. On my hips and thighs."

"Ally... Ally, this is a lot to process. Come downstairs and eat something."

He drags me downstairs and stuffs a piece of cake under my nose. I only take a few bites before pushing it away, but he pushes it back. I take one more bite and push it away again, getting up. My dad puts his hand on my shoulder, pushing me back into the chair a little too hard. He pushes the bowl back toward me.

"Ally, you have to eat it. It's not an option."

I push the bowl again and thump my head on the table. Eventually, I pull my head back up and take another bite, smoothing the flavor over my tongue before swallowing. I slowly finish the slice, feeling sick and upset. I go back to my bedroom and crawl across the bed, tucking myself under the covers. I'm exhausted from today.

I'm woken up by my dad shaking my shoulder.

"Anthony's downstairs. Want me to send him up?" I nod slowly, feeling scared inside.

He stands in the doorway for a second and his eyes run up and down my body, making my suck in. For the first time in a long time, I feel nervous around Anthony. I don't know what suddenly changed, but revealing those secrets to my dad has made me more nervous than ever.

"Hey."

"Hey," I say, waiting for the explosion.

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

"Ally. Stop lying to me." He doesn't even say 'Don't lie to me.' He knows about my lack of honesty now.

"What?"

"Your dad talked to me downstairs."

"Oh."

"I thought that you had stopped cutting." I shake my head.

"I've never understood why you would do that to yourself. And, Ally, you're 76 pounds." I cringe at the number, hating myself.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He whispers.

"There's nothing to tell."

"Ally, 76 pounds isn't nothing."

"Exactly."