When the ocean meets fire

~~~~~~~~~~~Nausea~~~~~~~~~~~~

Too many people. Taz looked down at the open starship dock and saw almost all the rangers at the base gathered together through the glass doors. Something shot through her heart when she remembered the last time she was looking through the glass, though the ship was going in the opposite direction then. She didn't know whether it was nerves or adrenaline... or love, but she knew that only a fraction of the reason for her breathing suddenly becoming rapid and shallow was  the crowd that awaited her and the rest of the crew. She'd always dealt with crowds and people asking her questions after a mission; that was always the way with the G.L.E.E. However this time it was so different. Not because Up wasn't with her; she'd dealt with that before, but because of what she was going back to...or rather who she was going back to, especially after what had happened before she'd left.

As the ship pulled into the dock she stepped away from the glass doors and went to look through a smaller window. She knew it looked cowardly, but all those people irritated her. They were annoying and she didn't need them there; she only needed one person at that moment. She shook her head at her stupidity: how could she have possibly assumed that she could just jump straight off the starship and back into Up's arms? In fact...was he even in the crowd? She peeped through the window and tried to search for the one face she wanted to see, but she couldn't spot him. And Up was taller than anyone she'd ever seen, so he would stand out in a crowd. She frowned as the rest of the crew joined her near the doors: where was he?

She soon was forced to shake the thought away though, as the doors were opened by rangers in the base and immediately they were thrust into full-on inquisitions about the mission, made worse by the news of Commander Hibbart's death which they'd reported once they were on their way back. She answered question after question, trying to use the simplest answers possible and wondering, as she always did when they got back from missions, where the respect of these people was.

Yes, Commander Hibbart was dead.

No, she hadn't seen who or what killed him.

"No I didn't kill him jou pathetic hijo de puta!"

Yes, they'd managed to complete all the tasks included within the mission.

"All de robotas were destroyed or enslaved in de robot wars jou idiota!"

No, her and Commander Hibbart weren't that close.

Yes, they'd seen him die.

No, she hadn't wanted to take his place.

No, she hadn't wanted to go on the mission.

No, she wasn't going to tell them why.

That brought her thoughts back to Up, and she managed to push past the ever-closing-in bodies with a few insults and threats with her zapper and her knife. Being at least a head shorter than most people, Taz hated large groups of people, especially when she was in a bad mood. She leant against the corridor wall when she reached it and let her breathing return to normal.  As the blood rushed away from her head, her sense rushed back and she realised that she needed to find Up. Okay, so maybe he saw de crowds and knew dat jou wouldn't be able to...talk in front of everyone. She thought, trying to get rid of the pathetic feeling that she wouldn’t quite admit was disappointment. Taz knew that if she found him, she’d definitely want to do more than talk to him, but she stopped herself from thinking about it as she might give the slightest emotion away to the several gossiping rangers who were walking past her in groups.

Hang on. She looked around and saw that in fact every single ranger that walked past her, be it ensign or lieutenant, gave her a look, and then went to talk to their friends, always looking back at her as they spoke. They may have all had the same actions, but the looks they gave her varied widely: some gave her a smirk, some a concerned frown, some looked like they were trying not to laugh, and she saw one woman she thought she recognised from the rehab clinic give her an almost sympathetic look. Slowly she realised that everyone in the bustling crowd had completely ignored the rest of the crew and were either whispering about her, blatantly pointing at her, or just plain staring at her.