The Wrong Guy

Chapter 45 Disappointed In Me

                Dad and Red had stayed with us until dinner. When mom arrived, they had already left. It was another exhausting yet surprising day. I didn’t actually care about my step brother at first, but I actually liked him. It seemed like my dream of having a younger brother or sister was to             be revived.

                The next couple of weeks, I tried to not see Alex for a while, and I really didn’t see him. I thought I wanted him to miss me or whatever. Well, everyday was just another depressing day whenever I didn’t see him. And it pained me that whenever I saw him, he was with Winnie. She was always tailing him around! What the heck? Why was I letting her do that? I didn’t know. I was filled with pride. I wanted Alex to be the one to notice that we were falling apart.

                It’s been a month and a half, and I still wasn’t talking to Alex. I was starting to lose hope that he will ever miss me. But on the bright side, I thought I might actually be able to get over him. It wasn’t really like me to give up like that, but it wasn’t also like me to fall in love that deeply.

                Laura and Harvey’s relationship had grown really strong. I mean, they kissed a lot in public. I believe that they made out in the library every time they had free period. They were dating a lot, too. They were really serious about it. Normally, Laura would have broken up with a guy after banging him for a month, but with Harvey, it took longer than usual.

                I haven’t seen Nick either. I mean, I see him around campus or when he takes stuff from his locker, but we weren’t on the same class, so… He was alone a lot of times. Sometimes, he was with this nerd guy that I believe to have been the founder of the Geek’s club or whatever. I didn’t actually care, but it was worth the say. So, I spent a lot of days alone, too. With Nick, Laura, and Alex gone, it wasn’t actually the same. The third semester was really a bore. But Red and dad visited me once every week, so it wasn’t really too lonely. I always played with the kid, and dad would talk with me for the day. It was also relieving that mom was fair with Red. She was nice to him and sees him like a son. It was actually more exciting at home than at school. When the third semester ended, we had a two-week break from school, and I actually had nothing to do. As a result, I went on babysitting jobs. I started to like handling kids since I liked Red a lot. The neighbors actually hired me to be a babysitter. A lot of them were single parents after all. I did that the whole semester break, and I earned like ten bucks a day. It was actually a good deal. I was actually earning money again. But it was a hassle. Watching over different kinds of kids was actually quite stressing. The stress finally ended when the fourth semester came up.

                It was the 28th of March, and it was just the first day of the fourth semester. We were in new classes. At first, I actually didn’t care if I was to be in the same class as Alex, but when I found out that he was in my Economics class, I got excited again. I thought I had lost that feeling in my stomach whenever I saw Alex, but it was still there. Without a doubt, I knew I still love him.

                I went on early to the Economics class, hoping that I would see Alex. I didn’t really know what I would say once I saw him, but I just did. When I got to the room, I was more than happy to see Alex. But I was more than depressed when I saw Winnie, standing beside him and holding his hand. I didn’t remember seeing Winnie’s name in the list, so I guess she wasn’t in that same class as Alex and me, but she was probably there because of Alex. After seeing them like that, I didn’t want to see anymore. I just wanted to walk out. I wanted to cry.

                “Liyah?” Alex noticed me and stood up.

                “Hey.” I placed my stuff and bag on a random chair. I really wanted to leave because I could feel my tears starting to form.

                “Hi, Liyah.” Winnie gave me a wave.

                “Hi, Winnie.” I said and looked at Alex. He was in silence, looking at me. He was probably thinking about that promise he gave me that he will never be Winnie’s boyfriend. I just looked at Alex and started to walk backwards. “So, you guys are together now?”

                “Yeah.” Winnie said as I walked back even further. “Since the end of the third quarter.”

                “That’s good.” I started to turn back and walk away. “Good for you.”

                “Liyah.” Alex called to me, but I walked away out of the room.

                When I walked out of their sights, I started to walk even faster, biting my lips. I felt cold and embraced myself. Repeated flashback of the way they held hands kept popping in my mind. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for myself. I walked even faster since I couldn’t let the tears that were starting to appear on my eyes be seen by the people that were passing by. I had to walk faster to get to the ladies’ room. I walked past Laura, and she was intrigued with the look on my face. She stopped and called me.

                “Liyah!” she called from behind me. I ignored her and continued walking to the ladies’ room.

                When I got to the ladies’ room and found myself alone there, I stopped holding it in. I went to the sink and looked into the mirror and cried. My hands shook as I cried and yelled.

                “Liyah!” Laura rushed into the door. She probably heard me. She went to me and kept asking what was wrong. “Liyah! What’s going on?”

                “Laura.” I cried as she held my face. “It’s nothing. I’m okay.”

                “You’re not okay!” she insisted. “What’s wrong?”

                I looked at her, and she was waiting for me to talk, but I didn’t respond. All I thought was how it was such a disappointment to me. I wished I didn’t believe in my expectations. I wished that I never expected that someone like me would end up with Alex. I cried and hugged Laura.

                “Liyah, tell me what’s wrong. Why are you crying?” Laura begged as she brushed my hair and held my back. “Let me help you.”

                I just cried hard and yelled. I couldn’t stand it. I wish I didn’t disappoint myself.

                Why did I even expect something like that? Could someone as perfect as Alex ever see me as something to love? What was it that I had to offer him? I’m just a sore loser!

                I cried and filled myself with further frustration. Laura didn’t get any answer from me since all I did was cry. No matter how hard it was, I never gave up, but that time was just unbearable. It was probably the first time Laura saw me cry, and she hadn’t a clue what I was crying about.

                I didn’t really care. Even if a girl was to come in the ladies’ room, I wouldn’t care if she saw me crying. All I wanted to do was to cry. I wanted to express how this sadness had struck me. It was all I could do. I felt like I was going to falter and lose. I felt like dying. I didn’t really see any point in living without Alex.