The Wrong Guy

Chapter 47 Josh Johnson

                After our crazy little make-out, Alex and I calmed down since we were in a cemetery. Alex and I sat in front of the tombstone he was sitting before he saw me. We were firmly cross-legged on the grass, and it was windy and almost like magical. Alex and I made our small little conversations since he said he wanted to tell me something, and it was something I wanted: talking to him.

                The wind blew nicely… just like how spring felt like. It was wonderful, sitting there just with Alex around the breeze of flowers. I watched the cute little leaves fall off from the branches and make their way down to our heads.

                “You know, Liyah,” Alex started, looking at the tombstone that we were sitting in front of. I noticed the name carved on the tombstone was Josh Anderson. So, I figured it was the Josh he was talking about back then when he was drunk. “He’s my brother. I probably talked about him when I was drunk.”

                “You did. I was there.” I said, and then, I called to him, “Alex.”

                “Yeah?” he smiled at me like there was nothing to worry about.

                “Can I ask who Josh is and what happened to him?.. if it’s not too personal to you.”

                “Liyah.” He laughed. “Of course, it’s going to be personal to me. He’s my brother. But okay. I was planning on telling you about him.”

                “I’m sorry.” I chuckled.

                “It’s okay.” He chuckled back. He probably did that to prevent us from being too serious. “To tell you the truth, it was a really hard time for me back then. I was a different person.”

                “A different person?”

                “Yeah.” He nodded. “I used to be a different person. I used to hang out with thugs. I used to drink a lot. I cut classes. I used to get into troubles… mostly getting beaten up. I wasn’t in the track that my parents wanted me to be, but it’s not like that they cared on what track I was in. It was actually hard on me, to not have my parents care about me. I used to cry a lot when I was a kid, looking for people to acknowledge what I do. I was just a kid. I needed people around me, but it was painful that the people I needed the most weren’t there for me.”

                “I’m sorry.” I felt sorry for him. He probably went through more pain than I ever did. Our situations were different. Even if my dad left us, I still knew he loved us while Alex was completely abandoned.

                “It’s actually nothing to me now.” He tried to chuckle, but he immediately lost it. “But it was really hard for me back then. All I had was my brother. My parents were always away. I was in charge of taking care of my younger brother. It was actually the only thing I felt responsible for. For my whole life, I never was responsible for nothing. It was like I was living for nothing, but my brother was there. The moment I saw the look on my brother’s face, I knew he could make it. He was a different story. I knew he was meant to be more than I ever was. He never cut classes. He never speaks of anything bad. He did cry a lot whenever he missed mom and dad, but he was a lot stronger than me.”

                “You’re strong, too, Alex.” I held his shoulder. The wind blew, and our conversation paused. He stared down for a second and reassessed his thoughts, but he started again not too long after.

                “I’m not.” he looked at me and shook his head. “I thought I was strong for my brother, but I wasn’t there enough. When he cried, I knew he felt the same as I did when I felt we were abandoned, so I wanted him to feel like he wasn’t alone, that his brother was still there for him… that everything’s going to be all right. I worked hard for his future. As soon as I got in High School, I already started working halftime. I barely even enrolled into classes. I was saving up my money for Josh’s College tuition.”

                “I thought your parents were working?” I asked him.

                “Yeah, they were, but you know how people are. They were in different places. They spent money, too. Even when they sent money, it wasn’t really enough.” He explained and continued, “I had to learn to take care of the house and the chores… and especially, my younger brother. Josh and I had to work hard. Even when I hung out with bad guys and got into alcoholism a lot in a young age, I worked hard for my brother. I thought it was all right. I thought I could take care of my brother and prove my parents wrong. I believed in myself too much. I was naïve. That led to Josh’s death.”

                “Alex.” I called to him when he paused too long, and he looked back at me and forced a smile. “Is it okay if you could tell me how your brother died? It’s completely all right if you don’t want to talk about it.”

                “It’s okay. I could tell you about him.” He nodded. “It was all my fault. I took him to a bar one night. I left him in the car, and I went in alone because I was supposed to meet someone. This girl that I was to meet was supposed to be a business woman that was to help with my plans with Josh. They were also going to involve my parents’ decisions. Then, it just slipped out of nowhere. I took too long in the bar with her, and we ended up drinking and getting drunk. I thought it was okay because I was used to getting drunk, but because of that, I got reckless with the driving. My brother tried to stop me from driving when drunk, but I insisted. And then…”

                Alex stopped and took a breath. He didn’t continue to talk. He just looked down like he was remembering something. I tried to calm him down, so I tried to stop him.

                “Alex?” I held his hand, but he didn’t respond. He just stayed like that for seconds.

                “And then…” he started again, and I could see tears from his eyes drop down to his cheeks as he tried to talk while he started crying, “I saw him! When I saw him, he was on the ground! He was bleeding so badly. I didn’t know what to do! I wanted to save him! He told me he wanted me to live his dream, but I’m such a failure!”

                “Alex.” I moved closer to him and tried to calm him down. Then, Alex moved forcefully nearer to the tombstone. I tried to stop him, but he was strong. He laid his body and head on the ground, and he continued to cry and shout.

                “I’m sorry, Josh!” he cried. “I’m really, really sorry!”

                “Alex!” I started to tear up, too. I reached for his body and tried to pull him up, but he was pressing himself down. “Alex, please!”

                “It’s my fault! It’s all my fault!” he continued crying. Then, he stopped pressing himself down, and I was able to pull his body off the ground and got him up. I looked at him as he stayed still in shock.

                “Alex.” I hugged him from his side and kissed his cheek. “Don’t cry anymore. I’m here now.”

                “Liyah.” He said like he just gained consciousness. He continued talking with a weakening voice. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for all the trouble.”

                “It’s okay, Alex. It’s okay.” I cried and laid my forehead on his shoulder. “It’s going to be all right. I’m here now.”

                “Liyah.” He turned to see me and smiled at me. “Please don’t leave my side, too.”

                “I won’t.” I cried and held him tighter. “I’ll always be here to love you. You don’t have to be scared of anything.”

                “Thank you.” He slowly moved his head to me and kissed my forehead.

                I kept grasp of Alex until he completely calmed down and went back to his usual self. Instead, Alex and I talked about funny stuff. We stayed in the cemetery for quite some time… only to spend more time with each other. After all that, I fell even deeper in love with Alex. I never saw through his past, and he probably was more mature than I ever was, so I promised to always be by his side when he needs me.