The Wrong Guy

Chapter 52 Goodbye

                I rushed back in the restaurant to chase after Alex. I went fast to the table, but Alex wasn’t there. Harvey and Laura stared at me because I looked a little rustled.

                “What’s the matter?” Laura asked.

                “Where’s Alex?” I panted.

                “He went to the men’s room.” Harvey said. “What’s going on? Where’s Nick?”

                I didn’t even answer. I went quickly to the restroom, planning to barge right into the men’s room though I really feared to. I could hear Harvey calling for my attention, but I went anyway. I stopped right in front of the bathroom door since I decided not to go in there. It didn’t take long before Alex came out, and when he did he stopped and stared at me.

                “Alex.” I calmed myself. “It’s not what you think if you’re thinking that I kissed him. I didn’t. He forced me. I’d never want to do that to anyone but you.”

                “Liyah.” He stopped me. I was seeing that glimpse of his sad face, and I didn’t want to see it anymore. I wanted him to smile again. “Can I talk to you outside?”

                “Yeah. Sure.” I nodded, then Alex walked outside, and I followed him. I didn’t know where I got that chilly feeling. It felt like Alex got a little colder.

                By the time we got out, it seemed like Nick had already left. I guess he didn’t really have a reason to stay. He knew I was going to hate him for what he did, but that didn’t matter. I wanted to pay as much attention to Alex as I could. It was cold and dark outside, and I never saw Alex smile, like he was carrying something heavy in his head. It took a while for him to talk, but he did.

                “Liyah, I gotta tell you something.” He didn’t face me, like he was ashamed of something, but I was looking straight at him. “I don’t think we should be doing this.”

                “What?” I couldn’t believe what I just heard. It suddenly felt like the world fell on me. I started to feel the chill as my eyes started to turn watery. “What are you talking about, Alex?”

                “Liyah.” He turned to me, but as soon as he saw the tears on my eyes, he looked away again, like he was sorry. “I’m sorry. I feel like it’s wrong.”

                “I don’t get it.” I sniffed. “Why are you saying that?”

                “I’m sorry.” He faced me. “I was with Winnie today, and she’s so happy these days. I’ve never seen her so happy. Even just a friend, I wanted to see her happy no matter what.”

                “Alex.” I held my mouth with both hands as the tears ran down my face.

                “It’s the same as Nick.” He continued. “I see how he looks at you. He really loves you… longer than the time I even met you. It’s amazing how a guy can keep loving someone for that long. I just don’t think what we were doing is right. I think we’re causing too much pain on other people. The other day, Winnie was crying. I asked her why, and she told me she had a nightmare. I asked her what it was about. She told me she had a nightmare that she’d lose me one day. She said it hurt so bad that it made her cry even when she got awake.”

                I started to cry. It felt like I knew what he was going to say next. I wanted to stop him and just kiss him or maybe do it again with him in his house, but it seemed a little implausible.

                “I know I love you, Liyah, so please don’t cry.” He continued. “I know how I feel about you, and I know exactly how that is different to how I feel for Winnie, but I just can’t do that to her. Even when I know I love you, I’m her boyfriend. I have a responsibility to her. I care about her, too. I could say the same about Nick. Guys like him don’t come around often. He’s really special, and he’s perfect for you.”

                “No, Alex.” I shook my head as I continued to cry. “It’s because he kissed me, right? Is that why you’re saying this? Believe me, Alex. I didn’t kiss him. He forced me. I didn’t want to. It’s you who I love.”

                “Liyah.” Alex started to shed down tears. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t want to have to do this. I never wanted to do this. It’s hurting me, too, I know.”

                “What’s wrong with this, Alex?” I was desperate. I felt like I understood how Nick felt when he talked to me. I continued to cry, hoping he’d feel sorry for me and maybe stop what he was saying. “I can’t do that, Alex. You told me you love me. Why are you doing this?”

                “Maybe it’s for the best, Liyah.” He said. “I thought I could just ignore Winnie’s feelings like that. But when Nick kissed you, I knew Winnie wasn’t the one to consider here.”

                “But what about us? Aren’t you going to consider about us? You’re hurting me right now. You’re hurting yourself, too, unless the whole thing you told me that you love me is just a lie.” I cried.

                “It’s not a lie, Liyah!”He started to yell even with the tears. “I know how it feels, and I know it hurts! I’m really sorry, but I’ve got completely no choice. To tell you the truth, Liyah, I came here over the dinner with Winnie's parents because I wanted to tell you about this, but I thought I shouldn’t as soon as I saw that smile on your face. I just knew I don’t want to hurt you of all people.”

                “Why are you doing this, then?” I continued to cry. I didn’t care how many people stared or if Laura and Harvey heard us. I just wanted to change it all.

                “I’m sorry, Liyah.”

                “But you’re going to make it all okay, right? You’re going to change your mind, right?” I wiped the tears from my face.

                “Everything’s going to be okay, Liyah.” He went to me and held my arms. Then, he hugged me. It felt warm. The chills went away, but I was still feeling cold inside. I couldn’t take what he was saying. I didn’t want that feeling. I felt like a train ran over me and squished me completely. I was as good as dead. My body felt like a corpse already. When it was too long enough, Alex let go of me as he started to step back. “I’m sorry, Liyah.”

                “Alex.” I couldn’t say anything. All I wanted was Alex, but I couldn’t keep him. I didn’t know what to say to make him stay. “Don’t go.”

                “I’m sorry.” He continued to step back. “Tell Laura and Harvey that I’m sorry I left early.”

                “Alex, please.” I cried.

                “Goodbye, Liyah.” He turned and walked away.

                The wind blew on my face as I saw his back walk away from me. I was in shock. I couldn’t move or talk. My body was paralyzed by the coldness. When the only thing I saw was his taillights as he drove away, I collapsed down the ground. I didn’t even notice Laura went out of the restaurant to see me. As soon as Laura saw me, she panicked. I heard her scream repeatedly. My eyes were getting weak as if I was going to lose consciousness. I was on the cement ground. All I could see was Laura calling for help. My eyes blinked slowly and repeatedly. I tried to stay awake, but I was feeling dizzy. It didn’t take long for my eyes to completely shut and lose consciousness. I sort of passed out due to the stress.