I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie CHAPTER 19

What's up dudes :D Sooo... 2 months again and I am really running out of excuses. It's just that in the past few months A LOT of things have changed in my life. School's been a bitch and well I had stuff to do, people to entertain :D Same old, same old. 

I really hope that you are going to like this Chapter and hopefully the next one will be up this week so enjoy and, as always, ignore the grammar mistakes :P  

Btw thanks to ThrowinBiblesAtSluts (love your name) for the amazing cover! It's just awesome :D

Don't vorget to VOTE & COMMENT ;)

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CHAPTER 19

A week passed by and I became pretty bored by my own inability to get over my inner war and feel something again. Annie and April had already figured out that I had subconsciously pushed the big red button in my brain to shut everything down when I had noticed that I would otherwise not be able to keep it together anymore.

Knowing that, my desperate wish not to feel numb anymore seemed a little bit masochistic but, like everything else that I did lately, I couldn’t help it.

“I think that I’m a bad person” I said, staring at my buzzing phone. It was Dylan. Over the course of the past seven days he had called and left voicemails several times and each time I hadn’t answered the phone and deleted all the voicemails without taking a listen but somehow he apparently didn’t understand that I was just not ready to talk to him yet.

On the other hand, the person I wanted to talk to the most stood by our agreement. Blake hadn’t left a single message, he hadn’t visited and even Lisa was always very careful not to mention her brother’s name. Ironically, all the magazines containing gratuitous facts about him were also gone (but that was probably Annie’s doing).  

“Yes, you probably are” April agreed immediately, causing Annie to shoot her an accusing look. “But you are also a very good person.”

I thought about that for a short while and came to the conclusion that she was right. Sometimes we as humans are thrown into a complicated situation and then we are expected to miraculously find a solution that’s not going to affect our own lives negatively but that’s also not going to hurt anyone else and too often, that is simply not possible. And at that point it gets tricky because as much as you want to be a good person, you also don’t want to give up any of your own wishes and needs. Blame it on human nature, but at the end almost all of us are likely to go for the solution that’s going to contribute to our own happiness and ignore the effects it might have on other people.

So is it really that easy to say that someone is a bad person because of his inability to suppress his own nature? Is it really that easy to say that I am a bad person because I was afraid of being judged and therefore lied?

“Well, but there has to be a reason as to why all of this is happening to me, right?” I asked. “It’s not only about Blake but also about my past. About my…my parents. There is just all this stuff I have to deal with and I don’t want to complain because I know that it could’ve been worse but – “

At this point April hugged me. It felt kind of weird because I knew that she was not comfortable with physical contact due to her abusive childhood. “There is no justifiable reason for unequal suffering.”

Later that day I engaged myself in the business of staring at a blank wall. The simplicity of the white surface was kind of fascinating and somehow, I found myself thinking about how my life would look on a surface. Which colours and which patterns it would show.