Patience ➳ Shawn Mendes

Chapter 25

I had given in to Shawn. Today was the day I'd share my voice with the world in a video that would appear on both mine and Shawn's youtube channel. 

Shawn had done a duet on his song 'Stitches' with Hailee Steinfield and already had a duet with Camilla Cabello but now he took one of his songs that he said is as if he wrote it about me. 

It was a good thing that I already knew all of his lyrics but I had to admit that I have always recognized myself in the song. 

In Belgium and even here in Canada, I have hardly shown my emotions and I hate showing that I'm afraid but the feeling of lonliness is worse. A lot of people have called me strong and thought that I felt like I was on top of the world and that is why they came to me with their problems but I could hardly carry on with my own, let alone with someone else's problems on top of them. 

Of course there were also things that weren't the same in my case. For so long I doubted that everything would be okay and I let it consume me. I let my issues and problems lead my life and that was what brought me in such deep problems. 

I always refused help because I would always tell myself that I'd be better off doing it myself, that way I knew it would be done right but many times what I had to do what not within my competence to do and that was what often brought me to my downfall. It caused me to lose focus or just give up because I knew that I could not succeed. 

Cam and Nash were joined by Jack who would be there with us when we uploaded the video but not when we record it because I was too self-concious about that. Shawn did promise them that they could see it first, before it was uploaded. 

Jack had joined Nash, Cam, Shawn and I late in the evening and we had all gone out to hang out for a couple of hours. In the end, Shawn and I had stayed over at the hotel the three stayed at because it got so late and we all fell asleep watching a movie. 

I really enjoyed myself with the three dudes last evening because I was very comfortable with them and I felt as if I could share stuff with them. Though they didn't know my past or my story, they do know that I've not had it very easy in life and that there is a deep story to me but they respected my choice by not asking me about it. 

We ended up watching a couple of episodes from Scandal, turned out that I was not the only one who actually liked the show. 

We had seen on another channel that they were playing a Harry Potter movie and both Shawn and I wanted to watch it but the other three didn't want to. When Shawn and I suggested watching it, they all shouted 'No' and said that they had to watch it too many times while on tour with Shawn. They said that Shawn would always watch it when he had a couple of hours. Since he and the Jack's often shared rooms, they had to undergo the 'torture' as he had put it and because if he would go down, so would Cam and Nash. 

Their relationship made me laugh. Cam would take Vine out and film when Jack would prank either Shawn or Nash. For some reason they spared me, I don't know why. 

All the videos ended up on the Internet and my presence didn't go unnoticed. A lot of girls started posting screenshots with me in the shot again and started saying how this was a confirmation how Shawn and I were together and that we were serious. 

Mom nor Dad were worried because Ollie had shown them the shots and were assured that I would be fine. They had just texted me saying they would be out during the day with Maybelle but my siblings would be out working so I'd be home alone when I got home. 

Shawn and I took advantage of it and set up in the living room to film our duet. He had already anounced a surprise on all his social media and I had been hinting at something as well. Fans from both our sides were super excited and some even started talking about a collab between us two. 

Shawn sat down next to me, looking at me. "Are you ready?" 

"Yes." Came my- surprisingly- definite and sure answer. 

He nodded and pressed a key on the remote for my camera and started speaking. "Hey guys. Some of you have already guessed it but it's true. After a very long time of me asking Charlotte to sing a duet with me, she finally agreed. We decided to do one of my own songs and settled on A Little Too Much." 

"Hope you enjoy." I finished with a soft smile. 

Shawn started playing on his guitar and I started to sing. "She would not show that she was afraid. But being and feeling alone was too much to face, though everyone said that she was so strong. What they didn't know is that she could barely carry on, but she knew that she would be okay, so she didn't let it get in her way." 

Our duet went better than I thought. We had decided to post it as a one take instead of from various point of views as many youtubers did but I still expected that we had to shoot our duet multiple times. 

I was very nervous about what was going to happen once we posted it. I was very insecure, definitely about my voice. I had no idea if people would actually like my voice and I knew I would care too much if I'd get hate on it but the excited face that Shawn put on instantly made me excited as well. 

All of the sudden, I was excited for it all as well. I was excited to show it to the three guys that came all the way here to meet, I was excited to share it with the world and show them what I could do but most of all, I was excited of the outcome of it. I was excited to see what would happen. 

Would I get much hate or would people go easy on me because this was most likely a one time thing? Would people actually like it and compliment me? 

It didn't matter anymore because I was happy I did it with Shawn but most of all, I was happy that I dared to do it and that I did it for myself as well. Because as much as I might say that I only gave in because Shawn bugged me about it so much, I knew different. 

I knew I had also done it because I wanted to do it. 

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No pictures nor translations!