secret soulmates // phan

two.

Dan
Sun.
My soulmate.

It's been an hour since we spoke. I still can't believe it happened.
Sun said he hoped he could bring joy to my life. I wonder how he wants to do that. I can't meet him yet. We will have to wait three years.

Three. Years.

The weird thing is, I already feel a connection with Sun. We've barely spoken yet, but I just feel we're going to become friends.

Friends.

I've never had a friend before. Everyone always thinks I'm a nerd. A worthless, ugly, gay nerd.
The truth is, I am not gay. I am bisexual. Not that I'm telling anyone that, though. They would probably just laugh at me even more. I already hear their insults.
"How can you love boys and girls? Just choose. Oh wait, you don't have to. It's obvious. Fag."
I lie on my back, tracing the pattern in the ceiling with my eyes.
Just because I have an articulate voice and use exquisite vocabulary, doesn't mean I'm a nerd.
I try to distract myself from the bullying by reading books. I may not have a phone, like all the 'cool kids' do, but I like it better to use my own imagination than to just stare dumbly at a screen. Plus, my mom doesn't have the money for it. We already live in a tiny house, she can barely get me any food. Not that I care, though. I'm fat anyways. And ugly.
My brown hair always curls in the most random places. My brown eyes are always filled with sadness. My body doesn't have a nice shape, I only wear oversized jumpers to hide it. My wrists are covered in scars, some old, some new. I always have dark circles under my eyes, since I barely sleep. I just can't.
I hate it. I hate everything about myself, really.
Why did I even get a soulmate? I've never been lucky in any way. I don't deserve a soulmate. I'll only be in Sun's way. I'm useless.
A tear falls from my eyes. And another one. And another one. I turn around so I'm lying on my stomach and press my face into my pillow. I let out a muffled sob. Within seconds, I'm full on crying.
It has become a daily routine.
My pillow is now soaking wet. I lift my head and breathe through my nose. More tears stream down my face, I taste the saltiness in my mouth.
After breathing in and out deeply a few times, I feel myself getting calm again.
That's when I hear a familiar voice in my head.

Moon?

Yeah?

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

Moon, I can feel what you feel.

Oh yeah.

Tell me what's wrong.

Nothing in particular. You should get some sleep, Sun. You have an exam to take tomorrow.

No, I want to know what's wrong.

Sun, Please just go to sleep, alright?

How am I supposed to sleep when I know you're not fine?

Silence.

Sun, you don't have to worry. I'm serious. I do this every night. We can talk about it later. Please go to sleep, you'll need your energy tomorrow.

Okay, but please, please promise you'll talk about it? I want to help you, Moon. If you're sad, I'm sad.

Fine. I'm sorry for this, I didn't mean to be annoying. Goodnight, Sun.

Moon, please remember, you're never annoying. Not to me. I feel like we already have a connection, even though we just met. I don't want to lose this, okay? You're my friend. Goodnight, Moon.

Friend.

Sun and I are friends.

I feel a bit warmer inside, and with that feeling, I drift off to sleep.