emptier → nate maloley

eighteen

tomorrow i go back to connecticut, which means i wasted a whole three weeks sobbing over nate. he didn't try to call, no texts, nothing. it's like he disappeared into thin air.

i was still a huge fucking wreck. i barely left the house, i cried all the time so i look absolutely rough. the bags under my eyes can literally hold your groceries from the zero sleep i got. i look like a fucking monster- all because of nate maloley.

it's crazy how on top of the world you can feel someone and have that all come crashing down. the fall wasn't slow or peaceful, it was fast and painful... and trust me, i haven't hit rockbottom yet. truth is, i still wanted him.

"hey," i heard knocks on my door, catching my attention. "i brought you some food." bryan entered my room with a box containing nachos. "nadia and i went to your favorite restaurant and i thought these might cheer you up." he says as he takes a seat on the edge of the bed, next to me.

i smiled, taking the box from him. "thanks bryan."

"so dad and i are still working on getting your pills." bryan said, he was about to say something else before i stopped him.

"i don't want them." i spoke lowly as i shook my head.

bryan furrowed his eyebrows. "what? mia, you need them."

"maybe nate will come back and fix everything so i don't have to take them anymore." i look over at my brother and say with a glimmer of hope.

bryan scoffs, standing up. "no, mia. nate is gone." i furrow my eyebrows. "stop fucking relying on him mia! he's not coming back, he's gone!"

i stare at him, "what do you mean he's gone?"

bryan sighs before answering, "i went by his house two, three weeks ago and his buddies say he left town."

at that moment, i felt my heart drop. a ringing noise came to my ears and i could no longer hear bryan, the walls began to close and suddenly i couldn't breathe.

"and he hasn't been back since."

"mia?" i feel bryan grab my shoulders. "are you okay?" his voice was faint but i could hear him over the ringing. he shook me but i kept staring in front of me, frozen. "mia!"

"he left me." i whispered.

bryan sighed and i felt him let go off me.

"he left me." i repeated, the more i said it the more it hit me. i felt a tear trickle down my cheek but i didn't move to wipe it. i feel it hit against my thigh. "please go." i say to bryan softly, knowing i'm about to cry.

bryan's hesitantly but he complies and does so. he looks at me before closing my door softly.

i lay on my back and grab the pillow that's nearby, curling up next to it. i feel the tears come out, yet i don't make a noise. i just stare out at my wall as i basically drown myself into the fabric stained with my tears.

ladies and gentlemen, i officially hit rockbottom.