emptier → nate maloley

nineteen

i went back to my apartment to finish out the last few months of school i had left. the house was empty and quiet and i really didn't want to be here. i wasn't me anymore.

days went on and on, consisting of the same thing. school, work, home. everyday.

i feel robotic, emotionless.

i get home from work, not even caring about my essay i have due, i'll just ask for an extension. i sigh, throwing off my shoes, leaning back on my couch.

i'm so tired. i don't even sleep anymore. i just lay awake at nights trying to figure out what's wrong with me.

the voices in my head seemed to back off, probably because i'm doing most of the self hating on my own.

i look over at the time. it's late. i'm mostly likely skipping class again so i take my bath and cuddle up to myself on my couch, watching stranger things. i freeze when i hear shuffling outside, i stop and listen closely. i frown when i realize it was supposed to rain and that's probably the wind.

i hear footsteps this time, almost as if they were pacing back and forth. i throw the blanket off my body, rushing to the door. i quickly unlock the door, heaving it open.

nobody.....

i'm so stupid... it's all in my head. no one was even there. i frown, shutting the door again. i was about to walk away until i heard.

"mia?"

my breath hitched as my hand found the doorknob again, slowing opening the door this time.

"nate." i whisper.

he stares out at me and i stare back. i could tell he had recently gotten a haircut because his beard was gone and his long hair was pulled back in braid.

"you left town." i said to him, my voice cracking from being the first time i've actually spoke in a week.

"i know." he chewed on his bottom lip. "i had to clear my head. i went to stay with my folks back in the O." he rubbed his hands together.

i nodded, pressing my lips together.

"do you hate me?" he asked.

i met his eyes, quickly shaking my head. "no. i could never. i love you."

he smiled but something seemed to be behind that smile. "i came to talk-"

"come inside." i say rather too enthusiastically. "we can talk in here. you don't realize how much i've missed you. i-"

"mia!" nate shouts, making me shut up. i pipe down, watching him. "i'm not staying."

i furrow my eyebrows, "then what are you doing here?" i softly chuckle. "why come all this way?"

"like i said, i wanted to talk." nate sighed. i stay quiet and let him talk. "i've been talking with dana for a bit now..."

my eyes widened. "ohmygod, please don't tell me you guys are hooking up?"

nate furrowed his eyebrows. "what, mia? no! if you would just listen-" he continues. "mia, you need help."

"what are you talking about?" i raise my eyebrows.

"you're too dependent on me and it's not healthy. dana told me what you said and how you feel when you're not around me-"

i scoff, "or maybe i just miss my boyfriend."

nate shakes his head, "no this isn't healthy. you keep depending on me to make you happy and spiral out when i don't... bryan tells me the same thing. you stopped taking your pills, mia?"

"because i was with you!" i defended. "i didn't them. i was happy, you made me happy!"

"how did you feel when i left?"

"empty." i answer his question.

"exactly. you keep using me to fill this void-"

i scoff again. "that's rich coming from you."

he sighs, nodding. "i know. what i tried to do was shitty. i didn't mean to replace mary jane with you, i didn't mean to fall in love with you either. so don't doubt for a second that i didn't love you, because i did." a smile crept onto my face. "which is why i'm letting you go." i frown.

"what?"

"you need to be your own person, mia. do things for yourself. don't rely on your dad, bryan or me anymore. focus on making yourself happy."

i scrunch my nose up. "i am happy, i'm fine!" i yell at him.

he walks closer to me and places a chaste kiss on my forehead, before pulling away. "take care of yourself, villegas."

my heart pinches together as i watch him walk away from me.

nate just stands there, trying to take in everything i just said to him. his chest heaves up and down but he's not crying. he looks more in shock more than sad. i frown and take steps towards him, i grab his face in my hands making him look at me. his eyes were glossy and red like he was about to start crying. it pained me seeing him this way. he looked... empty.

"goodbye nate." i press a soft kiss to his lips and quickly retreat before he had time to kiss back. i let him go and walk out his door, not daring to look back.

------------------------------------------------------
ONE MORE CHAPTER LEFT GUYS!!!