emptier → nate maloley

twelve

its been a month since i last seen nate and i miss him so much. it's an odd feeling, almost like an obsession... sounds weird i know, but that's what it feels like. i'm upset when i haven't talked to him and when i do, my mood instantly changes. i just get really happy and i feel at peace... 

"mia, that sounds kinda weird." dana explains as she plops down on my couch. she came for a surprise visit. i was really hoping it was nate when the doorbell rang, and my mood instantly fell causing dana to ask what's wrong and i explained to her... leading up to know. 

"i know," i sigh. "but i just feel this way. i feel like i always need him."

dana stared at me intensely making me just a tad bit uncomfortable. "mia, are you still talking your pills?" i shake my head. she scoffs, "mia," she scolds. "why not?"

i shrug, "i don't need them anymore."

"what the hell do you mean you don't them? mia, you were a wreck." dana furrows her eyebrows. "please don't tell me you're relying on nate.." she sighs when i give her a look that told her that was it. 

"what?" i exclaim. "he was the reason why i took them and now he's the reason i don't have to."

"no, mia." dana shook her head. "it doesn't work like that."

"why can't you just let me be happy?" i scowl, crossing my arms over my chest. 

"i do want you happy but this isn't it. this is an illness mia. some boy can't just come and cure it because he gives you an award winning smile and a few compliments. you can't act like this is nothing when you used to call me in the middle of the night, crying to me, about how lonely you are and that you're in a darkness you can't get out of." she spats at me. "nate can't fix that mia. you cannot depend on a boy to make you happy."

i frown and look at her. "i'm not depending on nate to make me happy, it just so happens that he does and i no longer feel like that. i took them when i was with shawn, doesn't that prove that i was unhappy with him?"

dana just shakes her head, "you don't get it mia." she says, getting up. "you're not in you're right state of mind."

"where are you going?" i ask as she walks to the front door of my house. 

"to my hotel, call my later." she says rather harshly before shutting the door behind her. 

i sigh, instantly feeling alone again. i quickly take out my phone and request a FaceTime call to nate. my face drops when he doesn't answer. i decide to send him a text: i miss you, call me when you get a chance. love you xx

i sigh again when i don't even get a reply even to that.  

i don't want to be one of those clingy annoying girls and blow up his phone but that's what i really want to do right now. dana and i's conversation has me feeling worse than what i did before and talking to him always makes me feel better. 

i put my phone down and decide to get a glass of water while i wait for nate to respond. i fill the glass up when i hear my phone ding. i almost drop my glass as i run towards my phone, picking it up quickly. i see that the notification was not from nate, but instead a message saying that my phone is almost out of storage. i roll my eyes. thanks phone. 

i just really need nate. it's not an obsession to want my boyfriend, he is my boyfriend i have the right to miss him. it's not an illness.... i just really want my nate right now, badly.