emptier → nate maloley

eleven

"wait, shawn was going to propose?"  dana gasped, clarifying the information i had just given her. 

i nodded, showing her the box through the camera on facetime. "yup. he threw it at me in the restaurant."

"wow." was all that she said. "have you told nate?"

i shook my head. "not yet. i'm scared of what he'll think."

"as long as you didn't say yes, i think he'll be okay." dana chuckled. 

i smiled softly at her humor. "yeah, you're right. i'll call him." 

"okay. call me later. love you!" she kissed me through the phone, ending the call. after she hung up, i chose nate's name, starting another FaceTime call with him. a few moments later, i read that the call was connecting.

"hey baby." he answers, a smile quickly coming to my face. 

"hey mia!" i hear swazz yell from the background. 

"hi swazz, hi nate." i smile at the boys.

"what's up mi?" nate averts his attention back towards me. 

"so i uh, talked to shawn today." i start off, ripping the band aid. no need for small talk. 

"oh?" i see nate shift in his seat, more alert now. "and?" i sighed and instead of telling him, i flash him the diamond ring. "holy.... shit." he breathes. 

"yeah." i sigh, closing the box. 

"he fucking proposed to you?" i could tell he was trying to remain as calm as possible, but his voice still raised. 

i nodded. 

"well hopefully you didn't say yes?" nate eyed me. 

i rolled my eyes. "no, nate, i didn't."

he hums, "well you should keep the ring."

"no!" i gasp. "i have to give it back."

"what? no. we can keep it and pawn it or some shit and make money off it."

i shook my head, "no nate, i can't do that. shawn deserves his money back."

nate rolls his eyes, "whatever." 

"nate please don't be mad," i sighed. i don't understand why he even would want me to keep it, it's not right. 

i saw his shoulders going up, he must've shrugged. "you do whatever you want baby."

-

the next day, i didn't have classes until the late afternoon and i knew shawn didn't have classes today so i figured it would be best to return the ring to him now and get it over with. i made my way up his apartment stairs and found the apartment i had spent a lot of time in. i took a deep breath and gave the door and good few knocks. i took a step back and gripped the small black box for reassurance. a few seconds later a grumpy shawn answered. 

"what do you want?" he said bluntly. he had dark circles under his eyes, they were big but his did look distorted. his skin was more pale. 

i frowned at his appearance. i stared at him, he was the lively shawn i had loved. i shake my head, remembering why i came here. "uh, i can't keep this." i say handing him back the ring. 

shawn stared down at the box in his hand with no emotion, like i had given him the worst gift ever and he had no words. i thinned my lips. "i'm really sorry, shawn." i tell him and turn on my heels, ready to walk away. 

"are you sure you can be happy with him?" i hear him say from behind me. i stop and face him again, furrowing my eyebrows. 

"what?"

"i could've made you happy mia." he says and i sigh. "we could've gotten married after college, moved in together, had kids..." his voice cracked at the end. "we could've been happy."

i shook my head, "part of me has always been in love with nate, shawn. that's not fair of you to give me one hundred percent when i'm only giving you fifty. you mean a lot to me shawn, you do.. nate just means... a little more."

i basically hear the crack in shawn's heart break even more. i watch his face as the words slip out my mouth, i didn't mean for it to sound so harsh. my face falls along with his and i immediately regret what i said. "shawn-"

"no." he sniffs, wiping his nose. "i, uh, get it. first love's also come first."

nate wasn't my first love, dillon was but i figured it wasn't the time to correct him. 

"i hope you have a nice life, mia." shawn says before closing the door. 

i frown leaving shawn's apartment complex feeling worse than when i had arrived.