Dreams Only Last For A Night - (Jalex)

Chapter 22 - I Didn't Mean To Make You Hurt

Alex's POV -

Breathe. That's all I can do.

I've spend these last couple of days alone in my room, trying to figure out where I've gone wrong - not breaking up with Stella when I should've or ever getting with her in the first place. I broke up with Stella the night I found those messages, she didn't take it very well, trying to feed me with lies, trying to convince me it was all just a big mistake after finally admitting to it. Stella was never the person I once thought she was, or maybe I just knew her all too well to know she'd do it again and that's why I left her. It wasn't as hard as I thought it'd be actually, it was unusually easy for someone with a heart, well somewhat of a heart left.

Stella came the next day after the whole ordeal and tried wooing me over again with some more of her fucking lies, which resulted in me closing the door in her face, she wasn't helping anything by lying, still. Everyday and night she'd call and text, forcing me to change my number, it was her fault, she was unfaithful, she could have prevented all of this. She came over again, this time looking not so confident. Sure, she probably was very sorry and somewhat ashamed of herself, but she hurt me, making me lose my trust in her completely and I wasn't exactly ready to get back aboard the heart-break express again. This visit, I was determined to set her straight, telling her that I forgave her and that there will never be an 'us' ever again, I'm done, and it's over, that I want her to move on, forget about me. Stella took it surprisingly well, saying that all she ever wanted was for me to forgive her, I did, honestly, despite my heart not being in such good shape, I still forgave her. At first, I was furious at Stella, never wanting to see her again, in my head she was already dead to me and buried, I never wanted to hear the name 'Stella' ever again I was that angry. But now I somewhat admired her, the way she handled my honesty and forwardness, she got it now, no more begging, she just accepted it and moved on.

It's been like four days since then and I'm still not sure how I feel about what happened, if she'll start seeing Jake now or not, whether she does or doesn't, any guy she does date will just make things awkward between us at school. I don't know how I'll deal with it all but I'm sure I can manage, I've gotten through some pretty rough relationships in the past, like Sierra for one. Sierra and I weren't exactly right for each other, but I honestly loved her a lot, at the time. She was way beyond any girl I've ever known, she was just different, she kept me guessing. I was a wreck after everything she went through, with being addicted to prescription drugs and what not, her parents finally took notice and by that, were forced to give a fuck because they'd be in prisoned for child-neglect, they took her out of school and moved her to a rehab facility out of state. She came back 2 years later, back in school, looking better than ever. I never really fully understood the whole going to rehab to get better gimmick, never really seeing anyone actually get better from being there, but more or less ended up dead; until I saw Sierra.

We never officially broke it off, I wanted her to know that I was there for her, to help her get better and for her to come home that much faster. We promised to write each other everyday, that being said that there were no cellphones allowed, it was the only way to keep in touch until we'd finally got to see each other again, I didn't exactly keep my promise though.

So 2 years went by and Sierra was back in Baltimore, clean, she looked happy, always smiling and conversing with everybody, even the teachers. I gathered enough courage to finally talk to her after a week later, knowing I wasn't exactly there for her like I promised, I felt horrible, I let her down and now I was seeing someone else, Stella, no one could be anymore of an asshole like I was. Aside of not seeing each other for so long, Sierra still greeted me happily with a hug and wanted to know how I've been, we talked for awhile, catching up if you will, and that was it, she wasn't mad at me or anything. She didn't even expect me to be waiting for her when she got back, which I should have been, god I was such a tool. Today though, I still feel like Sierra secretly hates me, even though she doesn't exactly want to admitted it, she even told me one time that she didn't hate me for not being there for her and that she understood, but I know she's lying. She has to be, I mean even I wouldn't forgive myself, I don't.