My Brother's Best Friend

Chapter 37

It's been a week since I lost Liam and it kills me so much. All I do is lie in my bed thinking of what would've been. Blake's been staying here with me. The miscarriage took a toll on him too and he visits the nursery everyday at least twice. I haven't walked in there a single time ever since I came home. And to be honest I don't want to. For the past week I've put up all my walls and now I'm just numb. I'm scare that if I walk in there that my walls will break down and I will never stop crying.

"I brought you some soup" Blake says as he sits down the bowl on my nightstand

"Thanks but I'm not hungry" I say rolling the other way to face the wall

"You've barely ate anything in the last two days you have to eat it's the only way you're going to be healthy" He says sitting down at the edge of the bed

"Can you just drop it?" I ask facing him

It's clear to see the black bags under his tired eyes. Even though he's accepted it I can tell that he hasn't slept much in the last week due to watching over me. The sad thing is though I don't want his help, I don't want anyone's help. Yeah, I know he's Liam's dad and we should be going through this together but I know that Blake partially blames himself for the miscarriage. And even though it hurts I know that if I hadn't tripped He wouldn't be here right now, he'd probably be on top of another girl as we speak because we would've be broken up.

"I can't" He sighs "I- we already lost our son...I-I can't lose you too"

"Blake" I say softly making him look at me "I'm alright"

"No you're not" He yells "Physically maybe, but emotionally you're a wreck just like me, just like your brother your mom, Ashley.... You're pulling away from us"

"I- It's how I deal with it" I say

"You haven't even went in the nursery since we've been back" He states

"I can't go in there Blake it's just going to remind me of what happened" I say hoping my voice comes out stronger than I had heard it

"Just please eat" He says

"Ok" I say touching his arm softly

I sit up and take the bowl from my nightstand and put it in my lap as I slowly eat it. After I eat the entire bowl he takes the empty dish downstairs as I blankly stare at my walls. My phone goes off with my alarm to take a shower. My doctor told me to take frequent showers so I can clean my wound from the emergency c-section they had performed. I slowly try to get myself out of bed but my knees buckle and I tumble to the ground. Bu before I could hit the floor Blake is by my side in an instant and helps me to the bath. He draws the bath water and helps me slowly undress myself. His hands being extra careful with me. I look in his eyes and there is not one glint of lust just worry, concern, and love.

"I can handle myself for now on" I say as I slowly lower myself in the warm water.He leaves and I pull my knees up to my chest as I sit staring blankly and the four white walls.

I just wish things could go back to the way they were before I got pregnant. I was happier, there was less drama. Bu there was no Blake. I mean let's face it he and I only started getting closer over Liam. And at times it makes my wonder. Maybe that's how things need to be. Maybe this is just a sign giving me another shot at the life I wanted before all the drama started. I was and still am the reason why Blake is opting out for a college closer to home but the thing is I can't be selfish, not now. Maybe the only way I'm going to get over this is to go back to the way things were before and pretend like this whole nightmare never happened.

After what seems like forever I finally decide what to do and get out of the bath. I go to my closet and take out an old pajama shirt and some pajama pants. I put my hair in a bun and walk downstairs for the first time in days. When I reach the living room all eyes go to me.

"Blake can we talk?" I ask

"Of course" He says

"Alone" I say making sure everyone leaves us in private

He sits down on the couch and I follow his moves looking down.

"What's wrong?" He asks

"If I hadn't tripped what would've happened?" I ask ignoring his question

"What are you talking about?"

"That day we got into a fight because Aaron kissed me. You ran out and I chased you" I say "Would you have broken up with me?"

"I don't know" He says looking down

"It's ok for you to tell the truth. I know we would've" I say "The only thing that really brought us together was Liam. And if none of it happened we wouldn't be here today"

"What are you getting at?" He asks looking into my eyes trying to see any emotion

"I want things to go back the way they were before I got pregnant" I say "Ever since I got pregnant I changed. I had to grow up and I was okay with that because I had responsibilities. After I got pregnant everything changed actually. Me and you, even Aaron. You said that you were in it for the long run because you didn't want to be a deadbeat dad. You gave up going away to college to stay here and help raise Liam but now he's gone. I can't keep you here with me because we both know that if it wasn't for Liam we wouldn't be together"

"What are you saying?" He asks

"I'm saying that I want everything to go back the way they were" I say

"Are you breaking up with me?" He asks looking in my eyes hopeful that I'll say no

"Yes" I say "It's the only way we're ever going to move on and live our lives the way it was supposed to go before all of this happened"

"Don't you get it?" He asks as his eyes tear up "I love you and I want to get through this together"

Stay focused. You have to do it. You can't be selfish. Let him go

"Don't you get it?" I ask "I'm giving you an out. You always wanted to go play football in college that's a good school and far from here. I'm not going to be selfish anymore"

"I can play football anywhere" He says taking my hand

"No you wanted to go to california, new york, maine, jersey, anywhere but here. Not everything is a fairytale and works out" I say taking my hand away

"We can try long distance" He pleads

"We both know that long distance almost never works out especially when there is going to be girls throwing themselves at you. Besides I have a whole year left. You'll be god knows where doing god knows what with god knows who" I say "It's not going to work out. I want things to go back to normal"

"This is normal" He says

"No I want to go back to the normal time before there was any complications, drama, and everything else. You'll get over me once something better comes along"

"Beth please don't do this" He pleads

I kiss his cheek gently before getting up and walking upstairs. I go to my room and into my bed and I let my tears go.

This is the only way things will go back to normal and we can all put this bump in the road in the past. It's time to start moving forward instead of being stuck in the same scene over and over again.