Oblivion

8

Dan had been moved onto a rehabilitation ward with a strict eating and exercise plan. He had taken his first proper steps and could now properly feed himself. He had almost cracked a smile when he'd eaten his first proper meal. When asked by the nurse about the last time he'd actually eaten, he couldn't answer. It had been over a year at least. Ever since, he'd been stealing scraps from bins. He'd been weighed and found to be dangerously underweight. His 6 foot frame was gangly and bones stuck out from under his skin. Even his hair and nails were brittle and thin.

He'd managed to have a hot shower and spent a whole hour just stood under the warm water. He'd forgotten what it felt like to be clean. Just the simple things like brushing his teeth and putting on deodorant had made him feel just a bit more human.

He was under 24 hour surveillance and prescribed heavy antidepressants, despite his protesting. Until he began to talk to the psychologists and doctors, the hospital had refused to contemplate a release date for him.

'Just tell them what you told me and then you can get out of here.' Kyle had urged him.

'I don't think I want to leave just yet. I'm not ready.'

'But you're coming to mine, you'll be fine with me. I've already cleared it with my missus. The sooner you're out of here, the sooner you'll be back on your feet.'

'Kyle, I don't know. I haven't exactly lived a normal life for a while.' Kyle kept trying to convince him, which made Dan shut down. The thought of leaving the hospital terrified him. He wasn't too sure how he'd function in the real world anymore. At least here in the hospital all he had to do was eat his meals, do his exercises and sleep. The rest was done for him. With no worry of stumbling back into his old habits. He'd been clean and dry for almost two weeks and it had been fairly plain sailing so far because he'd been too ill to notice the withdrawal.

He felt panicked now. On edge. The little he had left of his nails, he began to bite. He could feel his heart pounding and the sweat forming on his palms. Before long he found himself darting for the toilet to throw up.

'Sorry buddy...I didn't mean to...'

'I'm not ready.' He said, wiping his mouth and slumping down by the toilet. 'Please don't push me. I'm still not convinced I want to do this at all. So please Kyle, don't push me.'

Kyle sat down on the floor by him, patting him on the leg. He immediately felt his thigh bone through his thin pyjama bottoms.

'I'm new to this too.' He shrugged. 'I don't really know what to do or say to you. If I'm being too much, please tell me and I'll back off.'

'I don't know either Kyle. I don't know what I want. I just don't know.'

They both sat on the bathroom floor in silence for a little while. Dan was glad he had Kyle there with him. It reminded him of the good times they'd had. They'd travelled the world together. They'd had so many laughs and adventures. If he could just cling onto that and hope for the future, he could battle anything.

'Do you remember the time we were in Holland on the tour bus and we were all dancing with glow sticks?' Dan mused. There was the faintest hint of a smile on his lips as he recalled him, Kyle, their two band mates Will and Woody, and various crew diving around the bus to techno music.

'I never thought I'd see that again.' Kyle told him.

'What?'

'Your smile. I missed that most of all.'

'I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through.' Dan whispered. He met Kyle's eyes for a split second, but averted them with embarrassment.

'You have nothing to apologise for.'

'I've destroyed so many lives. I didn't mean to-'

'Stop it. It's in the past. Let's just focus on the future now. Right?' Dan didn't reply, but looked down at the floor. 'Anyway, you've got two nephews to meet still.' He hadn't exactly forgotten about Kyle's girlfriend being pregnant but with everything that had happened since he'd left, it had slipped his mind. He remembered being so excited about Kyle becoming a father. He wondered now how a good a Dad he was. Dan was sure he was amazing. He'd always been rather childlike himself.

'Two?'

'Mikey and Shane. And they know all about their uncle Dan and they can't wait to meet you.'

'Really?' His eyes widened. 'Wow.' He muttered. He'd missed so much. He wondered what the other guys were upto. They hadn't been in to see him yet. Actually, only his parents and sister had come in. And he'd ignored them. He felt terrible thinking back to the sound of his mums sobbing. And even more so for his father. It was only now he was off the streets and no longer wallowing in self pity that he saw what he'd done. And if he wasn't still entirely convinced about being on this planet, the least he could do was try and rectify the pain he'd caused for those who loved him.