Oblivion

19

Kyle parked the car outside the large block of flats. He looked to Dan with a confused look on his face.

'You're sure this is it?' He asked. Dan nodded. There was broken glass all over the road and pavement, filthy bins overflowing everywhere, graffiti covering every available wall space. Not to mention a very suspicious looking group of teenagers hanging around the front doors to the block. It was the exact opposite of where Kyle lived. They left the car and entered the building in silence, Dan leading the way. He'd managed to get hold of a set of keys from the estate agents he'd bought the flat from. They rode the elevator up to the 14th floor. It had a strong smell of urine ingrained into the dirty wood panels and buttons.

The hallway didn't smell much better. There were children's broken cars and bikes scattered along the floor all the way to end, number 1409. The flat was untouched. He'd run out of it that day and no one had entered it since. Kyle was unaware of it's existence. There was a mountain of take away flyers and junk mail to push past as they entered. The light switch was still hanging off the wall where Dan had kept a stash hidden. The needle, spoon and lighter were still lying on the floor, smashed to bits. The nets had browned. The floor was an inch thick in dust. But everything else was how he'd left it.

The mattress on the floor, draped in a blue sheet, was still there, littered and surrounded by hundreds of empty wine, cider, beer bottles. The kitchen, void except for a kettle, a mug and a very mouldy pint bottle of milk.

'You...you stayed here?' Kyle asked quietly. Dan nodded.

'I never wanted...what I did...in my house. Not where my Mum could find anything. Or you or anyone else. I payed cash for this. $20,000. Used a false name.'

'Thats why I never found out about it.'

'Sam hated it. But she would sit with me when I passed out.' He lifted the mattress off the floor slightly and reached underneath. He pulled out a photograph. It was the only image he had of her. He traced her face, her lips, her blue eyes. The same dead eyes that had stared up at him from the road. He let out a painful sigh, his chest feeling tight. He thought about her a lot still. He'd still not been able to locate her grave. He hadn't known much about her, where she was from, they'd never celebrated a birthday, or met her family. She had only been in his life for such a short amount of time but she'd left the biggest imprint on his heart. Though he knew he hadn't physically killed her, if it wasn't for him, she would still be alive. He would forever carry that burden. His life would've been so different. He wouldn't have lost those four years and they would be together, maybe even married, children, a nice little house somewhere quiet.

'How did you meet her? Did I ever meet her?'

'It was really weird...she just seemed to appear out of no where. In a bar, I think. I was pretty drunk...' He trailed off. Most of his stories from that time began much the same. He was always drunk. Or high. Or on a comedown. 'She was stunning. Tall, soft blond hair, these amazing blue eyes. When I was with her I didn't need anything else. And she was really clever, y'know, like she knew everything about anything. She was the only person who realised what I was doing, I didn't even realise until she told me. She wanted so badly to help me. But I couldn't see it...I didn't know how amazing she was, and if I'd just let her help me...'

'Come on, don't go down that route again. It wasn't your fault.'

'It was, Kyle. And I'm ok with that. It's my punishment for being such a vile person.'

'You were not a vile person. You were a great guy who got caught up in a bad situation. Thats all. It's as much my fault as it was yours. I should've been a better friend. If a stranger noticed what was going on, someone who barely knew you, then I failed you.' Dan had wandered over to the window. He could just see over the tops of the buildings below, across the roads and shops, the little woods where he and Sam used to sit together by the little river. Where she'd been headed that day.

'Come on, I want to show you something.'

They walked the five minutes across to the woods, Dan telling Kyle how they'd found it one day after Dan had bought the flat. He had wanted Sam to move in there with him. But she had refused. Dan already owned a beautiful big apartment in the centre of London. But there was no way he could let his habit into that home. He'd always managed to keep his work, friends, and family away from that side of his life. He started going back to his apartment less and less as it took over him. The dingy horrible flat had become his home. It was where he would shoot up and pass out. And Sam would just sit there with him, urging him to give up, and holding his hand as he slept, checking he didn't choke on his vomit.

Dan led them through the trees, stepping over roots and fallen branches. They could hear the little river getting louder and louder. They had loved this little area. In the rare moments he had a clear mind, they would sit and listen to the birds. She would talk and he would cling on to every word. And now he remembered back, he wished that had been more often.

The bench on the riverbank was overgrown with weeds and ivy, hidden away from all but those who knew where it was. He didn't sit on it. He stood behind it and looked across the water. He could just imagine them both sitting there, in front of him, holding each other's hands. His hand squeezed the wood tightly, the sadness building up inside him. He breathed out heavily.

'Are you ok?' Kyle asked, softly touching his shoulder. He shook him off.

'I can't...I miss her...' He fell down to his knees, clinging to the bench, resting his forehead against the slats. 'I'd give anything to see her again, to tell her how sorry I am. I wish I could take it all back. I should've seen that she was trying to help me...'

'I know.' Kyle knelt down next to him. There was nothing anyone could do or say to him right then that would take away this sickening feeling in his stomach or the pain tearing through his heart. This was supposed to bring him closure. Only, it felt like pouring salt on his wounds. How was this going to help? 'We'll find where she's buried, ok? Then you can have somewhere to go and talk to her. I'll help you find her. Give me that photo and I'll take it down to the police station and they'll find out where she is.'

Dan passed it him reluctantly. It was all he had of her. But if it helped him to find her grave, then it was worth it.