Antichrist [m.h. AU]

Buddy

Here I was again, same hospital different bed. Same shit same struggle. Yet this time it was a lot more crucial. I could see Matty pace back and forth in front of my room wanting to see me so terribly. The closest we could get was two steel doors between us. Under strict demand I was to stay isolated in the ICU. My normal doctor said it was the same seizure again this time triggered from distress and heart palpitations. I got myself so angry and overwhelmed I triggered my own seizure. Once I told the nurses I had been coughing up blood and feeling sick that's when they decided not even my parents can come see me until they figure out what was wrong. The seizure was no longer a big deal when they heard that. What a way to spend Christmas. Can't I ever get a break?

The whole day I was getting tests, blood drawn and surveyed about anything and everything. I tried to hold myself together but I was scared. So very scared of what I was going to have to hear at the end of the day. There was nothing more that I needed than support. With all these nurses and doctors coming at me with unfamiliar tools and unimaginable questions I felt like I was a lab rat. It really shook me out of my skin.

After finally being dismissed back to my room I crawled in bed gently pulling my IV cart by my bedside and resting my head. Now was the time I could think, overthink that is. What did my dad think about all this? Was my mum scared out of her wits again? Did Matty even tell the guys? Was Matty going to leave me after all this was over? Is he done looking after me like a child?

"Shut the hell up." I said to myself closing my eyes shut. I groaned wanting some form of entertainment. I spent most of the night awake, tapping my fingers on the bed, switching channels on the small telly, or scrolling on my phone. Around 1 in the morning my phone buzzed three times. When I looked at the messages from Matty my heart stopped.

What the fuck is this?
Who took this?!

It was the photo I left in my nightstand drawer. The one Oliver took of me while Matty was out. I started to panic, maybe Matty thought I was cheating. Which I would never do. He texted again.

I swear to fucking God Violet I want an answer there's no way you took this yourself.

I replied quickly. I can explain but felt like this wasn't a good time to argue over a text. So I started calling him hoping he would pick up, hoping his voice wasn't too laced with anger. My fingers were cold and shaky I could barely hold the phone to my ear. The receiver ticked, he picked up but said nothing. This time I had to make the first approach.

"Matty-"

"What the fuck Viv?" He snapped sounding a lot more aggravated than I expected. The sound of his anger made me want to cry. It felt like I was a child being scolded in grade school, facing the corner in time out to think about what I have done.

"Matty just let me explain. Please." I begged gnawing at my bottom lip nervously. If only he could see how devastated and nervous I really was.... "When you were gone Sam dragged me out to this party-"

"And you slept with another guy?" He cut me off sounding more hurt.

"Matty no! Let me fucking finish!" I yelled angrily feeling the heat of anger rise to my ears. "He drove me home and was showing me his Polaroid camera, because he's a photographer. I was getting changed and he accidentally came in at the wrong moment and asked if he could take a photo of me."

"Why?"

"I don't know Matty! It's his job that's what he does he thought I looked nice and I was heavily intoxicated. I told him to leave after that." Trying my best to defend myself I couldn't help but feel like I was loosing this battle. Like my voice was a stick and not a razor sharp blade like his.

"He thought you looked nice? Violet you're more than just nice in my eyes. I hope you realize I have eyes for you and only you, while you're out here talking to someone else letting them take half naked photos of you? Why would you do that to me?" He pleaded slowly starting to show more disappointment than anger.

"Why didn't you ever tell me about you and Sophie when I asked? After all, you spent a week at her uncles house I still don't know where you two stand."

He barely growled under his breath. "We used to be fuck buddies in high school okay? Fuck if you wanted to know so bad then there you go." It felt like the wind had been knocked out of my lungs. Like everything in me just split in two. Fuck buddies? Really?

"And you still hang out with her?" I spit sourly disappointed that he would even think to stay friends with her when he had me. Was I not enough for him?

"We don't fuck anymore Viv jesus christ." He probably rolled his eyes scoffing at no one. "It was a short fling when we were juniors, nothing more." It bothered me so much now. If he thought she was pretty enough to fuck then, then what does he see her like now? Not only that but the overwhelming amount of worry set it that maybe something happened to them while we was in America because he was mad at me. That maybe she was his therapy and that's why he still hung around her.

"I can't believe this." I mumbled disappointingly, chewing on my bottom lip.

"What are you so worried about anyways-"

"I'm scared I'm not good enough for you!" I yelled clenching my fists letting my knuckles turn white. I had to take a deep breath, knowing I was getting too worked up again that I would overwhelm myself to much. There was a burning feeling in my chest, a lump in my throat and the taste of salty tears on my tongue. "She so pretty and tall, skinny and perfect. She doesn't have issues like me she's much more intelligent and quirky. She probably goes out and poses for magazines and I sit at home trying to remember my middle name. Matty I'm terrified that one day you're gonna realize I'm not everything you need and she's gonna be the pole to lean on."

"Babe-"

"Matty don't start with me." I sassed, twirling the cord connected to my pointer finger counting my heart beat. The beeps getting faster the more we seemed to argue. "Don't give me shit about Charlie when you still hang out with your fuck buddy from high school. That's pathetic when you have me."

"You know what fuck this Violet." Then he hung up and I realized what I had truly done this time. I've really messed this up for good.