Last One Standing ~ TWD Daryl Dixon

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Jo

I was embarrassed the next morning, but I didn't dwell on it. Obsessing about what happened yesterday wouldn't help make today better. All I could do was keep moving forward and hope today was better than yesterday. I woke Carl up, nudging the couch cushion he was laying on gently with my toe. He stirred awake and stared up at me groggily.

"Come on," I said. "Time to train."

He grumbled and tried to roll back over and go to sleep.

"I'm starting in five minutes with or without you," I called over my shoulder as I headed to the bathroom to change. I really did feel a little bad for him, he had probably been up half the night and slept on the floor all because of me. I had no idea what time it was since the power was out, but it still felt early.

Carl grumbled some more but met me out in the rec room a few minutes later. We did the same thing as yesterday morning. We started with stretching, then a workout and once the adrenaline was flowing and fatigue was setting in we switched to knife work.

"Why do you wait until you're tired to practice with your knives?" Carl asked, watching me move through a series of attacks with my kukri. I spun around, kicking out followed by a forward strike before I straightened to look at him.

"Because when you're out there that's when you are going to need to be at your best. You rarely go into a fight cold or well rested, you usually have adrenaline coursing though your veins and are scared and tired and your hands are shaking, but you have to push through it and still do the best you can."

He nodded thoughtfully and I handed him some of the throwing knives and motioned to the target. Carl was slower today and grumbled about being sore.

I snorted at him, "push through the pain, it's only in your mind. You can force your body to keep going, you just have to put yourself in the right place."

"Where do you go?" he asked.

I looked up at him surprised. "Um..."I started to say and shook my head, I couldn't go down this line of thinking, not if I wanted today to be a good day. "I-I don't know," I said honestly.

Carl toyed with the throwing knife I had given him. He turned his back to me and worked on lining up his throw. "I feel like if you knew where you went, it would be easier for you to come back."

And just like that, for the second day in a row Carl blew me away.

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Jo

I spent most of the day in the house. I was still feeling off and I didn't really trust myself to be able to pretend to be something I wasn't. I could barely manage to be something I was. I cleaned the whole house, and helped Carol prepare meals as best we could with no power. It felt like everyone was being extra careful around me and by that afternoon I was sick of it. I slid my feet into my boots and set off from the house at a brisk walk. I circled the compound ten times before I felt like I could breathe again and get my thoughts in order.

Yesterday had been a bad day, I had had them many times before, it's not like this was something new, it had just been a long time since I had one. It was odd, when we were on the road and nearly starving to death I hadn't had any relapses. Out there it felt like none of it mattered any more, like it couldn't touch me. All that mattered out there was survival, one minute to the next.