Last One Standing ~ TWD Daryl Dixon

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Hello Everyone! Here you are! Another update for your reading pleasure! I just want to give you all a heads up that I will be away for work for the next week and a half, so savor this one!!! It has to last you!

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Jo

I flopped back against the pillows and closed my eyes. Thankful to be alone with my thoughts for just a moment. I just needed a few seconds where I didn't have to pretend. Where I didn't have to control every facet of my emotions. Tears burned the backs of my eyes and I squeezed them shut. I couldn't keep doing this. I wasn't strong enough to keep facing him like this. If given the chance I could sink a knife into him, but I couldn't stare him in the face and smile and pretend I wasn't scared to death of him.

I was just so tired and just wanted...I didn't know what I wanted. To not be scared anymore? I didn't want to have to be strong every second of every day. I didn't want to have to fight. I was so tired.

The thought went over me life cold water. I let out a shuddering breath as I fought to compose myself. I wouldn't be alone long. Daryl was hiding upstairs and Rick and Carl were still in the house and I didn't want any one of them to see me like this. No one could see me like this.

I strained my ears and heard Negan call to Dr. Carson that they were leaving. Negan chuckled about something and the sound of his gruff laughter made me shudder. I just wanted him to leave and never come back.

I just wanted someone to kill him, and as satisfying as I had convinced myself it would be to kill him myself, I just wanted it done. The truth was I didn't want to face him, I never wanted to face him again. The stairs creaked as the two men walked further away from me. I could hear the rumble of his voice but I couldn't make out the words. I raised my hands and covered my ears trying to block out the sound. I wanted it gone. I never wanted to hear it again.

The front door closed and I could breathe again. I drew in a choking breath and covered my mouth to block the weak whimper that somehow escaped my lips. I pinched my eyes shut and pressed the back of my trembling hand over my mouth.

He was gone. I was safe and he was gone.

A few moments later I heard my door swing open. I wasn't ready, I wasn't ready to face someone. I couldn't hide it. I dropped my hand but kept my eyes shut.

"I just want to be alone, Carl," I said without opening my eyes to look at him. Somehow I had managed to get my voice to come out steadier than I had managed all day.

The door never closed however which meant he hadn't listened to me. I peaked open an eye to see Carl standing in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest. It looked enough like Negan it sent a shiver down my spine. Negan had taken a liking to Carl, just as he had with me. It was because he saw something of himself in the two of us. I shuddered and pinched my yes shut, I didn't want to talk. I couldn't talk yet. My thoughts were too dark and I didn't have enough control.

Carl had seen me open my eyes however and he took it as invitation.

"Have you told him yet?" Carl asked. His voice was tense with something, but I didn't think it was me. He couldn't know what was going on with me. He wasn't perceptive enough to be able to read my emotions like I could read his.

"What?" I responded feeling incredibly tired.

"Daryl," Carl clarified. "Have you told Daryl what's going on with Negan?" He spoke slowly, as though I was having trouble keeping up. Maybe I was. I didn't know anymore and that scared me more than anything.