Last One Standing ~ TWD Daryl Dixon

149

Hello all! Got another update for you! Hope you enjoy!

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Daryl

For once I was up before Jo. It was still dark when I blinked awake, but I could feel dawn wasn't too far off. I hadn't moved much but still she shifted restlessly. She curled her warm, naked body around me and I flopped my head back against the pillow. I didn't want to move. More than anything in this world I just wanted to stay in bed with Jo all day.

But today was the day. War. Jo and I were going to get the garbage people this morning. If goddamn Dwight did like he said, Negan and The Savior's would be here in the afternoon. I didn't think we could trust Dwight, not really. He was an opportunistic bastard who had nothing to lose now. He was going to take care of himself first. Just thinking about him was riling me up.

I glanced down at Jo. Her hair was spread out across my arm, her face resting on my shoulder. My whole damn arm was numb but I wouldn't move for anything. She looked so peaceful. I wanted more than anything to keep things like this for her. I didn't want her to have to do this today. I wanted to protect her. I bit back a smile as I thought about how pissed she would be if I ever said that to her face. She would kick my ass.

I tightened my arm around her, pulling her closer. She felt so warm and soft. When she was awake she was a force to be reckoned with, a hurricane, but when it was like this I was reminded of how small and vulnerable she could be. The others never saw this side of her, it made them reckless when it came to her. They were too willing to let her be the first to jump in just because she could.

But something had happened last night in that cell with Dwight. It went beyond her getting a little lost in her mind or her PTSD. Last night she had lost control, not just lost control but had willingly given it up. She had gone to whatever that place was in her mind on purpose and stayed there. If Rick and Jesus hadn't been there she would have killed Dwight.

She had always been capable of that, but this had felt closer to the surface somehow. In the past when she lost control she had always been able to let it go, tuck it away somewhere inside herself and be okay. It worried me that she hadn't been able to last night. I wondered if it was getting to be too much for her. She needed time to heal, not just physically, but really heal from all of this. 

Jo was a fighter, but she shouldn't have to be. She was strong, but I hated that she had to push herself every single day. She was using herself up, letting herself break and fracture for us. We needed to end this as quickly as possible. I wanted so badly to protect her. When she told me last night she wasn't coming back to the house it felt like something much more important was happening. It felt like the first step to her not being able to come home at all. I had well and truly panicked. I hadn't let her see it, couldn't ever let her see it, it would just make her feel worse. But last night I had been terrified I was losing her.

Jo thought she was a monster, I knew she did. And sometimes the people around us made her feel even more like one without meaning to. I had seen it just today more than a few times, and it hurt her. Try as she might to pretend nothing could touch her, every flinch or careless word  from people in our group hurt her.

She hadn't chosen what had been done to her, she had simply survived it and come out the other side. Jo wasn't a monster, but there was one living inside her head. She dealt with it everyday, fighting a silent battle that no one around her could see or understand. There were days when it was almost too much for her, when she was tired of the fight. I could see it in her eyes. But she was Jo, and she would tighten her jaw and push back like she always did. She was stronger than anyone I had ever met.