"Thanks, Alexa." I laughed, then Carlos joined in on our hug, and they turned me so I was looking in Kendall's eyes. And oh my God, I wish I didn't. He looked like I kicked a puppy. I know we were trying to be friends, but he's probably not over me yet. I saw him starting to walk outside, and I sighed slightly.
"I'll be right back, okay, babe?" I asked James.
"Yes, just don't be too long." He smiled, and I kissed his cheek and followed Kendall. I watched go through the crowd, and I tried to keep up as much as possible.
"Kendall, wait." But he didn't hear me. He walked outside, and a few seconds later, I reached the patio, only to see he was already being comforted by another girl. And that girl was Halston Sage.
I didn't know what to feel. It was a mixture between feeling numb and feeling hurt. I truly did have feelings for him but I guess now he has moved on. I sighed and I went back inside into the kitchen and I had a slice of cake that was on the table. I was happy for Kendall and I wished him the best. And if being with Halston made him happy well I hope the best for them. I still wanted to be friends with him. As I was standing there eating I noticed the house was starting to get messy so I grabbed a garbage bag and I started to clean the place up.
While I was cleaning up I heard Kendall say "You know you don't have to do that. I can do it because Im the host of the party." I looked up and I said "It's alright I got it something to keep me busy." He came up to me and he said "Everything alright." I looked up at him and faked a smile and I said "Im fine darling." He grabbed the bag out of my hand and he said "Come with me for a second." We went back out on the patio and it was quiet. We sat down in some rocking chairs and he said "I know you saw Halston and I but..."
I put my hand on top of his and took a deep breath and I looked into his eyes and said "You don't have to explain anything to me. She makes you happy and thats all I want for you. I may not be the perfect one for you or the one that you are looking for but you deserve to be happy. You are a sweet and wonderful person and I just want her to give you everything that I couldn't. But remember whenever you need me you know I'll have my arms wide open. Its alright this is goodbye it won't hurt me too long I'll be fine on my own it will take some time but I know that I will eventually learn to forget."
He started to cry looked away and I wiped his tears and said "When you try to look away scared that I will see you hurting. You're not hiding anything and its got me worried. Nobody knows you better than I do I'll keep my promises and I will fight for you. Maybe I wont be with you in this lifetime but Im sure the future will wants us together. So just remember I love you no matter what after everything we have been through I am always here. No matter how you push me away I won't leave. I love you too much. I still think about you and I still wish things were different."
He hugged me and he said "I love you so much. Thank you for everything you have ever done for me. You taught me a lot of things in life. That happiness is possible and there is hope even during desperate measures. You taught me how to view the world differently and lastly you taught me how to love. I will always love you and I will never find someone like you. You will always be at the top of my list. The truth is I miss lying in your arms but I dont ever let it show. I laugh and I act like im having the time of my life and as far as you know its easy going out on a friday night. I sometimes want you to fall in love with me I want to walk a thousand miles so I can lay down where you sleep I dont want you just in my dream I want to swim across the ocean just to hear your heart beat and no one will ever ever love you through and through no one will ever love you like I do. I hope he treats you like your perfect I hope he treats you like your gold."
I felt tears fall down my cheek and the door opened and James walked out and he said "Hey baby its getting late we should get home." I nodded and he said "You alright?" I nodded and I said "Yeah." I got up and I said "Thanks for inviting us we had lots of fun." James grabbed my hand and we walked to the car and we got in and started driving home. James rubbed the top of my hand with his thumb and he said "Are you sure you are okay?" I nodded and I said "Im just tired!" Truth is I don't know if I will be okay. I tell myself that I will be but am I going to be? Well I guess we'll just have to wait and find out.
