Book 3 : Smooth Yet Dangerous Michael Jackson Fan Fic

Fear

I think my biggest fear of telling Michael I want a divorce is his anger.... if he's even angry. Maybe he'll hit me maybe it's what he wants too. I feel so useless to him. I hear him on the phone sometimes at night in the bathroom and I know it is Lisa. I heard him talk about how I'm always picking fights and that I turned the kids against him. He told her that I'm going crazy.... maybe I am? I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. Why does he talk to her about everything and not me? Why her? WHY? What does she have that I don't? Is it because she hasn't had kids so she doesn't have the stretch marks and that her vagina hasn't been ripped open by birthing children? Is it because shes younger? Is it because shes always dressed up and has her makeup done? Is it because her skin and body is flawless? Is it because they're both in the celebrity world and I'm just Michaels secret? Even the media thinks they're together. Their picture is on the cover of magazines, them standing next to eachother smiling like they're in love. I have nothing else to offer to him. I gave him my virginity, my love, I gave him children, I gave myself to him, I gave up my life to stay home with our kids while he does God knows what. I have nothing else to give.... I can't hang on to something that's not there any longer. He leaves in 2 weeks and I've gotta tell him soon. The real messed up thing is, these past two months he's been home, he hasn't touched me in any sexually way. I know Michael. He loves sex. He barely even kisses me! If he's not getting it from me then that means he's getting it from some else.

"Babe." His voice interrupted my thoughts making me jump. "Huh?"
"What are you doing?" He asked confused. "Just thinking. What do you need?" I asked. "Um what's for dinner?" He asked. "I don't know. Can't we order out. I really don't feel like cooking." I said. "You haven't done anything all day. The least you can do is make dinner." He said irritated. "I'm tired Michael." I sighed. "No your being a cry baby. You're making dinner. The kids don't need to be eating out." He said then leaving. He doesn't even care that I'm in so much emotional pain. It's become so hard to even get out of bed. But I'm just a cry baby right? I got off my bed and went down stairs to the kitchen and started to get some pots and pans out. "About time." he groaned. "Shut up!" I hollered freaking out. "What?" "I said shut up!" I said again slamming a pan down. "You're fucking crazy, you know that." He said. "You made me this way." I replied. "Of course, it's my fault." He laughed. I can't take it! I just burst into tears. "Mom...are you okay?" Ben asked. "I'm just having a bad day buddy." I said trying to not cry. Ben hugged me tight. "I love you mom." He said. "I love you so much." I replied kissing his head. Through out making dinner, the tears just didn't stop. "You're still crying?" Michael asked walking through the kitchen. He said it such a plan voice that made it clear he doesn't care. I started to cry harder. "Oh lord." He said walking out. I need out of this marriage now. I served dinner to everyone and we ate silently, or at least I did while the kids and Michael were telling jokes. I just ate my food with my head down. I finished my food and did the dishes. "Are you okay?" Ashley whispered. "I'll be fine." I said softly. I finished the dishes then went to bed(Guest bedroom). I couldn't help but ask God why this all was happening to me. Why doesn't my husband love me? What's wrong with me? I heard my door crack open and felt a little body crawl up the bed. "Mom?" Aubrey asked. "What babygirl?" I asked. "Are you okay? What's wrong?" She asked. "I'm just having a really bad day. I'm not feeling myself." I said. She hugged me tight making me burst into tears again. "Don't cry mom." she said worried. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be so emotional." I told her. "It's okay. Sometimes you just gotta let it out." She said. "You're right." I replied. I turned the TV on and we laid there just cuddling. "I don't know what I'd do without you." I told her. She smiled, "You're always there when I'm upset or having anxiety attacks, so I'm gonna be there when you're sad." She said. I kissed her forehead and we went to sleep.

The next day was just as bad. I kept doing whatever I could think of to make myself stop feeling this way. This depression is getting so bad.

I sat on my bed reading a book as my phone rang. "Hello?" I answeres. "Hey girl. How you holding up?" Jennifer asked. "Not so good. I feel like I'm drowning." I said. "When are you gonna tell him?" She asked. "In a couple days or something. I'm scared of how he's gonna react." I admitted. "Well you know I'm here and if you need anywhere to go you're welcome her, always." "Thanks..." I replied. "Do you want me to come over or anything?" She asked. "No... thanks but I'm just ... I don't even know anymore." I said. "I'm sorry." She said. "Don't be. How's Jay and the little ones?" I asked. "Good... I actually have some news!" She said happy. "What is it? I could use some good news." I giggled. "I'm pregnant!" She squealed. "Seriously?! I'm so happy for you. How far along are you?" I asked. "8 weeks." She replied. "Holy Crap! 8 weeks?" I hollered. She laughed. "Yeah we just found out 2 days ago. I thought my periods were just messed up so I went to the doctor but surprise I'm pregnanta" She giggled. "How do the kids feel about it?" "They're excited." She replied. "That's good. Landon is such a good big brother." I said. "Yeah well I've gotta go. Keep me updated." She said. "Will Do. Bye." I replied hanging up.