Human Nature

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This pregnancy came at the wrong & right time. Being pregnant & trying fix mine & Michaels issues is tough. I get so emotional and I can't handle it. Especially since our therapist is making us talk about being with other people, hearing about Michael being with Lisa is ripping me apart.  I mean I knew they did but to hear it is different.
I haven't talk to Michael all day. After our session this morning about hum being with Lisa,  I can't. I walked out,  i couldn't listen to it.He's giving me space & I appreciate it.

My baby bump was getting big. I'm 20 weeks along & i can some times feel our little guy move. "Mommy!" Harmony squealed putting her hands on my belly. "When can he come out!" She smiled. "It's gonna be a while babygirl." I giggled. "Does he have a name yet?" She asked. "Daddy and I are still talking about it." I replied. "Okay...." she said disappointed, and walked away.
"Grandmaaaa!" Ben hollered. Thank God my mother is here. "Hows my pregnant girl?" she gushed touching my belly. "Tired, really tired." I said exhausted. "You go rest. I got dinner babygirl." She said putting her grocery bags on the counter. I went and sat on the couch and closed my eyes. But of course the kids are running through the house screaming.... "Ben and Aubrey. Stop it!" I hollered. "He started it mom!" Aubrey yelled. "Aubrey Anne! Your mother said stop!" Michael hollered coming down the steps. "Daddy! He punched me!" She cried. "Benjamin!" He hollered. I have the worst headache, I'm exhausted and here comes the vomit. I got up and ran to the bathroom throwing up everything I ate today. I was kneeled upfront of the toilet trying to catch my breath but kept throwing up. The bathroom door opened, Michael grabbed my hair putting it in a ponytail. He rubbed my back, "you're okay." He cooed. I was crying and throwing up, "I don't want to be pregnant." I cried. "Well we can't really go back now." He giggled. "This pregnancy is horrible." I pantted trying to catch my breath. "Lets get you to bed baby." He said helping me up. I shook my head, "I'm hungry now." I cried. He held me against his chest, letting me cry. He kissed my forehead, "it'll be over before you know it. You're already half way there." He said. I calmed down, and fixed my hair, "did Ben really punch her?" I asked. "Yeah! He gave her a fat lip." He said shocked. "He's grounded." I stated. He nodded agreeing. "2 weeks?" He asked, "yep and extra chores." I said. We walked out to find a mad Aubrey. "You need to punish him." She said. "We're handling it." He said. "Let me see your lip baby." I cooed. I examined her lip, "he's in big trouble." I said. "Mom! She hit me first!" He hollered coming in the room. Michael snatched him up, "dad!" He hollered. "Look what you did! You don't hit your sister! You want me to give you a fat lip?" Michael hollered. Ben's eyes got wide, "exactly. So why do you think it's okay to punch your sister?" Michael asked. He shrugged. "You are grounded for 2 weeks. Extra chores, no games on your phone." J said. "Mom! She hit me too!" He cried lifting up his shirt showing us the red hand mark on his belly. I gasped. "Aubrey Anne!" I said. "The same goes for you Aubrey. Phones now!" Michael said. They both handed Michael their phones, "I can't believe you two." I said disappointed. "Dinner, bath then bed." Michael told them. They nodded, "go, now." I said. "Dinner is done." My mom hollered from the kitchen. We sat down and had a peaceful dinner, besides Harmony. "How do you make a baby?" She asked. Michael choked on his food. I just started laughing, and my mom was giggling. " A baby is made by a mommy and daddy deciding they want one." I told her. "Okay but how does it get here?" She asked. "Sex harmony. That how a baby gets here." Ben blurted out. "Oh my god." I laughed shoving my face in my hands. "Okay this conversation is over." Michael said. "Ew thats gross!" Aubrey hollered. "If you guys weren't together then why were you guys having sex!" Aubrey hollered. "I'm done." I said, getting up from the table. "That is not any of your business Aubrey Anne. This is not something your parents have to discuss with you." My mom said. "What is sex?" Harmony asked. "Sex is when-" Ben began "Benjamin Jackson, I swear I'll whoop your ass." Michael told him. Ben eyes got wide and knew Michael was being serious.

Finally it was bedtime. I laid there waiting for Michael, but then this mornings session came back to mind and shut me down. I pulled the blankets to my chin and just laid there. The bed sank as Michael got in bed, he tried to pull me to him but I pushed him away. "What's wrong?" He asked. "Nothing." I said. "There's something..... is this about this morning?" He said realizing. I kept quiet. "Baby..... I don't know what I can do to make this right.... we both slept with different people." He said. "Yeah but I met lisa, I know what she looks like." I said as I started crying. "Do you think Lisa is pretty than you?" He asked surpirsed. I cried harder. "She's younger, prettier, hasn't had kids so she doesn't have stretch marks and doesn't have a stretch out vagina." I cried. "Okay first, you are 1,000 times prettier than her. She isn't so pretty under all that make up, 2nd she may not of had kids but your still a lot tighter than she is if you must know."  "Then why would you sleep with her!" I cried. "Cause you didn't want me anymore! I had to be shit faced drunk to fuck her, it was literally the worse sex I've ever had." He said. "I'm ugly and fat and pregnant." I cried. "These hormones really got you messed up." He sighed. I nodded, these hormones were terrible. "I wish you knew how much I love you." He said. "Is this how you felt when you found out I slept with someone else?" I asked. "Yes." "Does it make you insecure?" I asked rolling over, facing him. He shrugged, "not really... it more made me realize or think we were really over. You seeing someone else made me lose it. It drove me crazy that's why I stopped talking to you and started drinking." He said. It was silent for a bit, "Why did you stop talking to him after you guys... had.. sex." He asked having to force that sentence out. A tear fell down my cheek, "Cause I thought about you the whole time and I didn't like it. I felt like I cheated on you." I said wipping my eyes. "How did you meet him?" Michael asked, I could see it in his eyes he was getting angry and just wanted the truth. "Jennifer, at her gender reveal party." I told him. I clenched his jaw closing his eyes. "Did you use-" "Yes. He used a condom." I said softly. "Did you.... you know..." He asked breathing heavy. "No. I wasn't even turned on. It was the worse sex I've ever had." I replied. Relief over came his face. "Did you use a condomm" I asked trying to not cry. "Oh yeah. I may of been drunk off my ass but I made sure." He said. "Why are we so stupid." I stated. He shrugged, finally laying down and holding me. He pulled my leg up to his hip, "We can break up as many times as we want but at the end, it's always you and me." He told me. I smiled lightly, "I know." I replied. He kissed me lightly, "get some sleep baby." He said. "Oh so no sex?" I giggled. He gave me a shocked look, "You have the energy to have sex?" He laughed. I nodded biting my lip. "But you gotta turn the lights completely off." I told him. He gave me a sympathetic look, but did it.

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