Different: A Reverse Kevedd Story

Chapter nineteen

Edd's POV

I am staying over at Kev's for another time (this time being the first time I meet his folks). I was happy to be holding him- I wish it was under different circumstances though. That way we could have stayed up late talking, laughing, etc. but that isn't the case and I don't want to be that heartless person who would keep him up.. Especially today, because of all the bullshit he went through last night.
..I feel at fault for that.. all of it!
If I hadn't gone to the swim meet.
If I hadn't gone out with the team for their reward night.
If I would've been there.
I could have changed the way it went down.
I don't know how long he endured those pricks' tournament, I don't know if I want to know. One thing is for certain though, I don't want my pumpkin hurt.
He is the sunshine in my life and without him...
I gently push him off me so that I could get up.
Silently as possible I go to the bathroom, but rather than using it- I crawl out of the window and sit on the ledge there. Nobody was up right now and my mind was running wild.
I pulled out that little something I tend to have with me, it had gotten better recently- but I still needed it around.
I pulled out the lighter as well. I needed my sweet release and this always seemed to help me feel like better.
I put it between my lips and flicker on the lighter, letting the slight flames burn at the end.
Instant relief hit me, since moving here- this had became my coping tool...my de-stressor, my cloud nine..
I pull it away from my mouth and puffed out the smoke slowly, letting it burn my lungs for a while before letting it all go.
My breathing is slower, more calm now.
I pull it back to my mouth and breathe it in. The chemicals going to my mind, letting me be in nirvana. I lay my head back against the house and breathe out, watching as the smoke transcends into the early morning sky.

I wish to be as free as the smoke.
To be as careless of the world as the lazy dog sleeping in the neighbor's yard that's next door.
To be as happy without the burden of coming back down.

I finish it off, put my lighter away, and crawling back in through the window.
When my feet meet the tile of the nice warm house that typically smelt good I realized there was a horrendous smell... one that has none business in this house, but it wasn't the house.. it was me. I panicked, I didn't want to ruin their house with the smell of - before I could think rationally, I had thrown off my shirt and stripped my pants off and was standing under the shower head. The water was cold and felt good against my skin. I went over my whole body five times with soap praying that the smell of weed wasn't on me.. I didn't know if Kevin knew this about me (me smoking) but if he by any chance didn't or hadn't listened to the rumors- I didn't want him to find out.. not now at least.